Pizza Friday!

Hello, internets, let us rejoice for it is now PIZZA FRIDAY. Let us celebrate with talk of the wonder that is PIZZA. Tell us what kind of pizza to make tonight! And what kind of beer to drink with it.

Pizza + Beer = Heaven THAT IS JUST SIMPLE MATH

When I was a kid, every Friday was pizza night. We would either order pizza from any of the nearby delivery places or, my favorite, make our own pizza. My mom would make the dough, spread it out on the cookie sheet, and let my sister and I go to town with the toppings. I would painstakingly place the pepperoni on the dough (too much is gross, not enough is, like, WHY BOTHER, there is a VERY SPECIFIC RATIO) and try not to gag as my sister sprinkled on the mushrooms (which I would later pick off, once the pizza was cooked).

I've since rethought my stance on mushrooms, but I still love making my own pizza. I mean, I love pizza PERIOD, and we routinely order it, but lately we've been making our own, too. Pizza Fridays are making a comeback. And the best part is, unlike Pizza Fridays when I was a kid, I can drink beer now.

I can't find any pictures of pizza and beer in my own collection but here's a picture I stole from the internet:

Pizza!Pizza!

Confession: Pizza is my favorite food. Hot pizza, cold pizza, frozen pizza, delivery pizza, wood-fired pizza, pita pizza, pizza bagel, pizza roll, I love pizza. In fact, I'm kind of a pizza expert.


Jersey Shore pizza

Pizza is magic, kind of like beer is magic: even when it's bad it's good.


French-Canadian pizza: really bad! But really good!

You may be wondering how pizza achieves this nearly miraculous miracle. Well, as a self-proclaimed and certified Pizza Expert, I am here to let you in on the secret.


Pizza in the car

The key to pizza is, in fact, really simple: toppings. Toppings are what make the pizza. Specifically these, the Three Best Pizza Toppings.

Topping Number One: Sauce


Collective pizza

Sauce is key. Without sauce, your pizza is just plain old bread. I think we can all agree that your pizza deserves more.

Topping Number Two: Cheese


Pizza Mart pizza

Cheese is also extremely important. Without cheese, your pizza is wet bread. I think we can all agree that your pizza deserves more.

Topping Number Three: Anything Else


Bourbon Street pizza

Oh, shit. I forgot to finish this post. I blame my office firewall which has suddenly decided to BLOCK ALL OF BLOGGER. So if you notice a considerable drop-off in my commenting on your posts? That's why.

So... yeah. Put whatever else you want on your pizza except the following: broken glass, poison, used bandaids, asbestos, and kitty litter. Those would not be yummy.

What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!

I have something controversial to say:

Meat and pizza should never go together.

Seriously: pizza loaded with tons of tomato sauce, olives, peppers, onions, mushrooms is the best. It doesn't need meat. And meat certainly doesn't need it. Please keep your pepperoni and sausage to yourself. And also all those other words that are just fancy words for sausage.

(And while we're at it: mac and cheese should always be vegetarian.)

When the moon hits your eye [OUCH!]

This week’s Collective topic is favorite pizza toppings, but I’m too boring to write about that thing specifically. Like, one thing I hate is sweet-tasting things on my pizza. Pineapple, for example. And another thing I hate is onions, and if you put them in the same kitchen as my pizza, I will have a fit. But pizza is one of my all-time favoritest foods, and so here are the five best pizzas I’ve ever eaten:

1) Gino’s East Pizzeria pizza with The Collective in Chicago. We had some delicious local beer there, too, and I think it was Kat who first said out loud to Jennie, “So this Joe guy -- do you love him?” And Jennie didn’t even blush. She smiled like Christmas and said, “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”



2) Pizza place whose name I can't remember with some random school kids in Verona. (Plus: gelato which is not pictured, but was still tasty, tasty.)



3) Gusher Pizza and Sandwich Shoppe with my family in West Yellowstone, MT. I know this sounds totally insane because it was the middle of winter and there were only like three restaurants open in the whole town, but heavens to Mergatroid, the pizza at this place was a deep-dish dream come true. We had some of the best wings ever there also.



4) Grilled pizza with Amy’s family in Chestnut Mountain, GA. Amy’s dad and brothers are, like, Master Grillers. They make the most delicious grilled pizza you have ever tasted in your whole life.



5) Angelo’a Pizza with just me in Manhattan. I could have eaten a whole pie by myself ‘cause of Mmm.

I don't want to brag, but I can kind of make a killer homemade pizza. If I love you. And you don't mind hearing me swear like mad while I burn my hands.