I could take away the salt from your eyes

  My hair goes swoosh swoosh swoosh when I run. From shoulder blade to shoulder blade it swings back and forth, forth and back. I cover pavement, dirt, clay, grass. Last night, I accidentally stepped into a six-inch deep dark murky puddle. Swoosh swoosh swoosh.

It's brown hair. I don't know what other color to call it. It's not dark brown, so I guess it's light brown. It doesn't have highlights, so I guess it's plain. It's only been dyed once. That time it was dark brown. Or dark red brown. Or dark red black. It was dark. And it was hard to maintain.

I want it out of my way, out of my sight. I want it back in a long pony where it catches the sweat and protects my neck from the sun. I don't care what color it is, though I assume all this running will turn it light brown. Or light, light brown. Not the color of pavement or dirt or grass, but maybe the color of clay. Swoosh swoosh swoosh.

Driving in the sun

  I go camping twice a year to the same place: a canyon by a beach right outside Los Angeles. It's fireside and ocean side and city side and it is my favorite place. When I go in September it's 70 degrees with a chill at night. When I go in January it's 70 degrees with a chill at night. The seasons don't change here. I live in paradise, every day.

Two Things That Always Make Me Laugh

1. This blog post. It gives a little perspective into life suckingness and working at Chuck E. Cheese.




2. This blog post that I wrote drunk. There used to be a lot of amazing comments, too, before we lost all our old comments. Someone had edited the pic above by adding "i wanted some little diebbie oatleaml cream pies but riete aid didnt hae tehm." LOLcat style. It was epic. And accurate of almost all my sentiments all the time.

Age is just a number

I am a hoarder. My mother is a hoarder. My grandmother was a hoarder.

I have an apartment and a garage full of treasures. It’s fairly well organized. And I try to go through it at least once a year to make sure I really need the collection of sentimental t-shirts I’ve never worn. (Spoiler alert: I don’t. So every time I reduce the collection by half.) But it’s still a whole lot of stuff. Old stuff. New stuff. Cute stuff. Ugly stuff I think I can make cute.

My mother has moved four times in four years and yet she’s still managed to collect treasures wherever she goes. Old stuff. New stuff. Stuff on sale that’s just too good to pass up. There is a storage unit in Chicago full of treasures (including most of my childhood stuff and probably several never-worn sentimental t-shirts). There is a house in Oakland with boxes. And there is her current residence which generates it’s own finds.

But my grandmother? We are normal, contributing members of society compared to her. She filled up a mansion in California and then when it was full she bought a farm in Oregon. A farm with over a dozen garages and outbuildings and shacks and sheds. And then she filled them all up.

She went to garage sales and antique malls and flea markets and church rummage sales. She had stuff of value (Mayan furniture) and stuff of nothing (boxes of cheap, empty picture frames). She had journals of her life, her studies, her work in medicine and politics and education, and then printouts of websites.

I’ve inherited some stuff from her and it’s old stuff. I’ve inherited some stuff from my mom and it’s old stuff. I’ve bought some of my own old treasures at garage sales and antique malls and at flea markets. I try to be prudent and non-sentimental as much as possible. And at least mostly organized. But I inherited more than just the stuff. I inherited the love of stuff, of possession, of a few of my favorite things.

I can’t tell you the oldest thing I own cause I own so many things. But age doesn’t matter. I love them all. My stuff is my home.

Wake up in the late afternoon

I'm prettiest much the laziest person I know and the only time I can muster any guilt about it is when I've actually made bigger problems from my laziness. Bigger problems that make things harder for other, specifically.

Lazy days are my fuel. I stuff them in the crevices between work-packed days and even between busy mornings and busier evenings. My lazy days have to-do lists unto themselves so I can MAXIMIZE MY LAZY. (I pro-pro-promise you this is not the opposite of being lazy, unless you count prioritize my gaming as productive.)

Without my lazy days (or moments) I become a stress-ball. I get ragey and unreasonable and violent. I do stupid things. I start letting my lazy tendencies seep into the rest of my life and suddenly my work isn't getting done or I'm not using my turn signals or I don't have groceries. I'm not exactly delightful. And then I'm back to making bigger problems for other people and it's all because I didn't get to watch all my shows last Saturday.

Excuse me while I go call in sick to work.

all is calm, all is bright

I don't play music unless I'm driving, I don't have the TV on unless I'm watching my specific shows (and usually alone so there aren't any interruptions), and I don't use an iPod unless I'm running.

I prefer the soundtrack of my life in most situations. Whether that be the zrrooom of my iPhone alerts, or the typing sounds in my office, or the voices of those I love talking to me and near me and about me. My ears are always open, ready to receive intel.

And when there isn't noise? When the zrroom is quiet or the DVR has been emptied or the people I love are busy doing more important things than entertaining me? Then it's quiet and I don't mind it. Does my mind ever quiet? No, not really. But that's okay too.

I wish someone had told me

Back up your computer files often and always. And then make back ups of those back ups. And then, when you start hearing that clicking sound--that sound that is not unlike if a grossy bug was inside your computer--to get it checked out (and backed up some more) right away because soon it will be dead due to a crashed hard drive and with it years of photos and important (yet embarrassing now) emails and papers and chat logs.

What about you guys? Tell us what advice you wish you'd be told years ago.

Dinosaurs is fine.

I make a pretty big deal out of only doing things I'm good at because success rate is key to my daily happiness. In order to avoid all the millions of things I'm bad at, I keep a mental running list of comfort zone activities. So when I asked my friends tonight casually to help with my post, I was curious to see what they would come up with. Some might call this fishing, but I'm so shameless about it that it's obviously no plea for a confidence boost. Plus, this is what they came up with:

"Guys, what am I good at?"

"Excel spreadsheets"
"Bossy boots"
"Better at everything than your brother"
"Vacations"
"Planning in general"
"Steps, dude"
"Sleeping on the floor"

For the most part, that hits the nail on the head. I would say:

1) Getting 10,000 steps a day. Nothing had motivated me to exercise more than a pedometer. Numbers for the win.

2) Both knowing the right thing to do and telling other people to do it.

3) Planning things.

4) Using technology to maximize efficiency.

5) Procrastinating. Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhhhh. It took me two hours to write this post. Also during that time I read all of Pinterest, tried several times to beat a really hard level of Ponon Delux (and failed), managed to get 200 steps walking to and from the kitchen where I tidied here and there but mostly just picked at a block of cheese, planned how to get the rest of my steps for today and where to gather tomorrow, and mostly did a lot of alt-tab hemming and hawing. It's truly amazing I even have a job (especially considering my penchant for vacations).

Of course, I don't consider myself much of a blogger (NOT FISHING PLEASE DON'T CONTRADICT ME) so that could contribute to the hemming and the hawing. Best wrap this up before I shoot my success rate.

OH. SOMETHING I FORGOT. Taking pictures of myself on my phone. On that note:

the internet is just another way of being rejected by women.

I was eleven years old when my dad installed an AOL free trial disk. The year was 1996. My internet use was absolutely uncool--I didn't make any friends over X-Files forums.

In fact, I don't recall having any interests at all to research on the internet. I was interested in the internet for the internet's sake. So much so that I went into chat rooms and essentially harassed people by demanding that everyone in the room participate in trivia and typing contests. I was an extrovert game-lover with a single sibling who never indulged me. I thought the internet existed to finally give me a million brothers and sisters to play games with. (This dream wouldn't come true til 2005.)

In 1998 I got my first Yahoo! account (redroses_me@yahoo.com) that I used to sign up for email newsletters and play Yahoo! games. I'm pretty sure the account is gone forever because I tried to get back into it several years later and was completely shut out. Boo.

In 1999 I got an account with gURL.com which was a website run by a clothing catalog. Because that is how the internet worked then. I never got into TeenBop magazines or trends and I only started caring about legitimate magazines like Seventeen when I was 17 and decided I wanted to be editor of Poise. But man was I interested in their internet equivalents with clever names like gURL.com. That site is still running, by the way, if you've got any questions like how to talk to a boy you like or how come you're always mad at your parents.

In 2000 we had to take a class in high school called Cyber.Comm where we learned how to do research on the internet. Alta Vista and Dog Pile were the leading search engines and you couldn't just type in your brain mush and get results--you had to write actual queries and boolean-y things with parameters and junctions and complicated word equations.

In 2002 I started my very first blog with Blogger (which hadn't yet been bought by Google). It didn't have comments (Web 2.0 and Social Media were still a ways off) and it featured such publishable sentiments as:

So now I have a blog. Isn't that cute? I'm not exactly sure why I got one. They sounded kind of fun. I keep a journal but thats kinda private. Well, not always. Sometimes I let certain people read it. But I can't really monitor this that way.

In 2005--the same year I got a Facebook account, thanks timeline--I realized there were other blogs out there written by very talented people. I started commenting and linking and making friends. I bought my own domain so I could teach myself html and CSS and design a site. I started posting nearly every day. I became a much better writer. And I met the Collective.

These days I use the internet for just about every single part of my life. Email is how I do my job. Social networking is how I connect with my friends. All my interests run into and out of the magical satellites in the sky. I carry in my pocket a device that gives me the internet at all times so I can stay connected with those I love, get information that I need, and learn things I hadn't heard of yet.

I've had it nearly my whole life, but it looks so much different now than it did then. It looks so much different today than it did two years ago. And I've loved nearly every revelation and generation it ages. With the obvious exception of Facebook updates and Google Reader changes. God bless the World Wide Web.

and is there a cure?

There are a lot of things that make me crazy. In fact, I spend most of every moment talking myself back from various rage-fueled warpaths and cliffs. (Cliffs suddenly seems like the wrong word. I think it should be clives. Ryhmes with biz. One cliff, two clives.) Sometimes it almost feels centering when I can shift my rage from one of the gopher-like things that creep up on me as I try to manage them all (think whac-a-mole) to the things that are always making me crazy.

Like marketing decisions made with no research at all unless you count a (probably) old white guy saying something like, "Billboards! We should try billboards!"

Like the quests on FarmVille which I can't even quite describe beyond this bullshit:



(The game is forcing her to collect feather gel.)

Like what they did with Booth and Brennan on Bones at the end of the last season. And also this season.

Like when my drink can't be made correctly at Starbucks without me having to use my annoying condescending voice to actually make sure the barista is listening to my wooooords. (They guess my words a surprising amount of times.)

Like when I read a post on Google Reader and go to click share and then throw myself in front of a train.

Like when anyone I love does something they know is stupid.

Like when I do something stupid.

Doing the actual thing myself that makes me crazy? That really really takes the cake. Because in addition to pissing myself off, I've taken myself down a notch or two in my book making it harder to get away with my indignation the rest of the time. Like how I got sick this week. And then like how I forgot what day it was. So then I had to post late on Friday like a dope.

So what makes you guys crazy?

Alt-Tab

I told you guys about my favorite iPhone apps a few months ago, so I thought I'd share my favorite websites today.



Pinterest
I hate to be thatgirl but I can't help it. It's fun, it's pretty, it's (p)inspiring. Plus the recipes are amazing.


Pandora
Internet radio that you tweak until it plays all music you love all the tihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifme. And it shows the lyrics so you don't have to get attacked by pop-ups when you try to google them. And it saves a list of all the songs you thumbs-up so you can make a road trip mix really easily.




Young House Love
I've professed my love for Sherry and John before, but it's still burning just as strong as it was when I first saw them. Their site continues to be well-written, beautiful, interesting, and motivating. Plus, they're funny and committed to each other. I'm getting super exciting about their forthcoming book due out later this year!

It's a good thing I get free upgrades on my soda size at the concession stand.

My life is full of disappointments. Insignificant ones that I’ve forgotten by the time I trip again on the same wrong-fitting shoes, and bigger ones that make me want to take to my journal, scribble how the world has wronged me, and devise plans to fix it all. Perspective is often something I lack in the moment.

I’ve actively boarded my walls against such free falls. I lower, and lower, and then when I think I can’t care about something anymore, find a way to lower my expectations some more. Instead of journal-scribbling, I strategize and my perspective has become infinity times what it was even three years ago.

There are still many places I could use improvement, but by golly does it take a lot for a movie to rattle me. I now expect all movies to be solid gold shit (maesto). Regardless of the plot, the actors, the adaptation, I still assume it will be terrible, just terrible.

Usually, I’m right. Rarely do I leave the theater and think, “Wow, just wow, what a great piece of entertainment and art. Let’s do it again!” Usually, I think, “Yep, another terrible tale from the silver screen! Let me look this up on Rotten Tomatoes and make sure all the critics agree with me.”



Which is what I did after I saw Drive. Based on the description of the movie and the photos of Ryan Gosling, I thought I was going to see a actiony heist movie with a romantical subplot. I did not think I was seeing something I would haaaaaaaate more than anything in the world.

I hated the characters. They were boring, lifeless individuals who spoke in uncompelling glances and smirks. I hated the story. It was uninteresting (as it revolved around these individual and the mafia) and took itself so, so, so seriously. Ryan Gosling actually said OUT LOUD that this movie was his superhero movie. As though Captain America was Chris Evans just selling out. I saw both movies. I will watch put Captain America on my bookshelf and make my mom watch it and get excited (but not my hopes up) for Avengers.



And I will rue the day Drive was made and I will tell everyone I know that it’s the worst thing, that they’ll hate it, that it’s pointlessly 75% insane violence (and I watch a lot of shoot-em-action movies so I’m not real sensitive about loss of life). And I’ll carry this torch until the day I die because critics wet their pants over their love for the movie. Rotten Tomatoes has it at 93% love. This is the WRONG OPINION.

You can trust me, or you can see the movie for yourself, kill yourself, and then, for the rest of your short life, remember that the most often stated lines in the movie (because there isn’t any dialogue to be found) are “a real human being and a real hero” and it’s describing a character who actually stomps the life out of someone’s face in an elevator.

we two have run about the slopes

I have preferences when it comes to numbers. Please be even. Be symmetrical. Be curvy.

2011 was not a great year, visually.

2012 just looks right.

2012 is even. It's nearly symmetrical. It's curvy. It's ripe. It's full of potential. It's making me nervous.

2012 is going to trample 2011:

New house. New office. New cities. Promises of new boys and new friends.

But mostly because this is the year I get a kitty to call my own.

wynken, blyken, and nod one night sailed off in a wooden shoe

I've never been a napper, even when I'm exhausted beyond belief, so when it gets dark out and I'm all situated I fall asleep pretty painlessly.

Unless, of course, I've done something stupid.

Like drink Diet Coke after 2 pm.

For the longest time I thought that the caffeine didn't affect me? Like I didn't feel the difference I thought? And then I entered a period of my life where I was having the hardest time falling asleep and I don't think DC is entirely to blame, but it certainly wasn't helping. So I stopped the night time consumption and things seemed to get better. And now, when I break my rules, I don't get tired for hours ad I lay in bed BEMOANING my situation.

And what do I do? Where do I direct my rage?

First I use the excuse to do stuff on Heather's list that I normally might feel too guilty doing. Like watching a lot of TV or starting a Stieg Larrson book when I know both things will keep me up much longer than I actually would be.

If the conditions aren't right for that or I feel above it then I tell myself I should be doing all the stuff that I say I don't have time for or I'm too tired to do. Because staying up is the gift of time. So I try to tackle my work email but it's too haaaaard and I tell myself I should do laundry or clean the bathroom or take a shower but the thing is, I'm not less tired now, I'm just still awake. So they still feel impossible. And so I throw myself back into bed and turn the lights off again. And make myself wait 20 minutes before fiddling with my phone some more.

And then I go back to my vices. To playing on my phone. To finding some show on Megavideo I haven't mainlined yet. To reading a scary scary book. Eventually I fall asleep for a few hours and then I have wake up and act as though I've had a full night's sleep. Because adults are supposed to foolishly stay up all night for fun. And that's what it becomes. Instead of suffering the consequences of my bad decision, I just make it worse LIKE A MORON!

But I'm not the only one, right?

Abigail's Top Favorite iPhone Apps

My homescreen where I have the most often used apps organized.

In honor of today's forthcoming iPhone announcement (!!!), I figured I talk about my favorite apps. There are over 20 apps I access on a daily basis and while I can't live without some of them, I can't recommend them all either so this definitely is not an app tour. It's a Schilbo-curated list.



Flixster
I no longer look up movie times on the regular internet on a computer (or in the newspaper, but I haven't looked them up in the newspaper since 2001). Flixster tells you the movies and show times for nearby theaters as well as the theaters on your "favorites" list. You can view trailers, Rotten Tomatoes ratings, and box office figures all within the app. You can even buy tickets within the app if you're really nervous about getting a seat.



iFitness
This health and exercise app has exercise tutorials, workout logs, routines, food & calorie tracking, weight & measurement tracking, etc., etc. It does everything and takes your data to show you beautiful charts. Since my health drama of this summer I've been on a strict diet to keep my tummy happy. This app has been super helpful in tracking both what I've eaten and what shape my body is taking. I've used the fitness stuff in the past too and it's super easy to log in 45 crunches or look up a good arm workout (I'm currently not supposed to be active so I haven't gotten to use this part recently).



Goodreads
I've always loved the concept of Goodreads--a place where you can review and track books you've read and see other reviews including insight from your friends. But I found the website clunky and annoying. Now that they have this easy click through app, I'm more involved. I've finally deferred to using their to-read-shelf function instead of keeping a google doc with that info. Plus, you can barcode scan a book when you're at the library or bookstore and instantly see what people are thinking (kind of like checking Rotten Tomatoes before renting a movie).




Chipotle
Bet you didn't know Chipotle was my favorite restaurant. OH WAIT, of course you know that. Chipotle's online app will tell you where the nearest location is but will also let you order and pay online. The order interface is super easy to use and regularly on my work trips we pass around my phone so everyone can put it their own order. The app can save all your credit card info securely so you don't even have to have your wallet handy to place this order. When you arrive at the store they have your food waiting for you so you get to skip the line, plus everyone's names are written on their burritos.




ScoreMobile
I rarely pay attention to sports but am almost surrounded by people who do. And since I understand the need for information, I'm happy to use my magic phone to look up scores, penalties, start times, and other important sports details. This apps has every type of collegiate and pro sport and more features that I've ever been able to even explore. I usually just use the score check feature, but a few years ago I was able to use their play-by-play posts to keep up with an Angels World Series game. It only lags about 20 seconds behind TV and works in a pinch when you're sitting in an auditorium unable to actually watch the game.

Presenting the Class of 2011-2012!

I broke the rules and wrote this myself since I had a lot to say. But I think breaking the rules is actually this week’s theme anyway!

Biggest Tease: Castle
I caught up on this procedural over the summer to help overcome my disappointment with the Bones finale. See, many comparisons are made between shipping Bones and shipping Castle so I mainlined all three seasons in about a week. I definitely ship Castle and Beckett, only slightly more so than Beckett and myself (Fillion is cool, but not my type). But last season’s cliffhanger finale written for shippers is--OF COURSE--not resolved in the way we would have hoped. And so I’ll wait all season for those two to get their act together. And pray it doesn’t get all wrecked Bones-style.

Class Clown: How I Met Your Mother
I’ve given up on this show ever going anywhere, but it still makes me laugh a lot so I don’t really care where it goes. Bang bang bangity bang.



Best Smile: Hart of Dixie
I will take Bilson in whatever form I possibly can. A Josh Schwartz show seals the deal. Lite and funny with some cute boys? I’m down.

Most Relatable: Unforgettable
Alright, I don’t have this girl’s crazy good memory (it’s a disease that only a handful of people in the world have), but I do have a bit of memory situation. I like to think I could fight crime with it. Especially when paired with my investigatory journalist skillz. Besides making it about me, it’s also interesting because there is one day she can’t remember. The day her sister was murdered. Intrigue.

Most Overrated: New Girl
New Girl is this year’s Glee which is to say New Girl is a completely overrated show that is being inexplicably darlinged. I could barely handle the pilot and it’s most likely going downhill and fast. And yet I imagine people will cling to it and that Zooey D. Eye. Roll.

Most Likely to Succeed: Modern Family
Make that already succeeded--with a near perfect sweep at the Emmy’s, this show is on the track for can-do-no-wrong backlash. In fact, I’ve already heard some retro-backlash. But I’m rooting for it anyway.


Most Anticipated: Revenge
This show is just the perfect kind of thing I want from TV. I thought the pilot was really, really strong and even though the second ep dragged in bits (Eric Van der Woodsen snoozefest) I still feel a lot of promise. This is the show I’m looking forward to each week. Emily VanCamp is an actor inside of an actor and the rageaholic inside of me is totally impressed and in awe of her character’s life-destroying actions. Bring ‘em all down, Amanda!

Cutest Couple: Up All Night
While I dutifully love Applegate and Arnett as sexy-funny-cool couple, it’s Ava that’s bringing me back each week. Maya Rudolph is simply genius.

Biggest Disappointment: Bones
While this won’t actually be coming back until November due to Emily Desch’s real life baby, I’m already filled with regret. Like I mentioned above, I found the finale really disappointing because it was important to me as a shipper to see Brennan and Booth get together. To see them choose each other instead of every other alternative that’s happened over the last six years. But we were robbed of that and everything I’ve read about the seventh season promises no paying of damages. Sad face.

Most Likely to Become President: Parks & Recreation
This is my favorite comedy on the air right now. Knope 2012.

Least Likely to Succeed: The Office
After appreciating Michael’s last season and feeling the show was out of it’s slump, I wasn’t super impressed with this season’s premiere. I’m hoping the show pulls itself together, but emotional women jokes should always be made by Michael Scott, not the actual writers of the show. I’m curious to see if the ratings tank sans the world’s best boss.

Most Improved: Chuck
This is more of a wish and a hope and a dream. I used to love this show and last year it was my most anticipated. But this last season was all over the place and a pretty big disappointment for me. It got renewed again despite it’s poor ratings (which were pretty good compared to it's timeslot replacement, the failing Playboy Club) and this is officially the final season. Show, please, please, please end well.


Best Dressed: Pan Am
This show is just delicious. I thought it was just going to be pretty ladies doing pretty things in the past and likely boring or enraging me a la Mad Men. But it’s actually really great! And there’s even intrigue! And the pretty ladies are totally bad ass!

Visit TV Guide for complete show listings.

I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!

I don't cook often mostly because I'm lazy and pretty easily satisfied with the non-cooking of avocado and tomato on a piece of toast. In the last month the extent of using fire for my eats was boiling water twice. Once for eggs and once for spaghetti. So. Cooking barely intersects with my interests. The sliver of that Venn diagram is two important websites.

1. Pinterest

Pinterest is basically an online bulletin board where you pin all kinds of goodies found about ye olde internets. Among the pages and pages of awesome things you'll fin inside Pinterest is hundreds of recipes that nearly inspire me to get in the kitchen.

Crispy Fried Goat Cheese



These h’ors d’oeuvres are really easy to throw together on the fly. Basically, you take slices of goat cheese, dip them in beaten egg, then coat them in seasoned panko breadcrumbs, then fry in a little olive oil until crispy.

Campfire Cones




Stuff an ice cream cone with chocolate chips, nuts, toffee pieces, mini marshmallows, banana pieces, butterscotch bits, etc., etc. Wrap in foil, place on campfire to melt all together.

Apple Sandwiches


Chicken Avocado Salad


Ingredients:
1 cup chicken breast, cooked and shredded
¼ cup corn
¼ cup black beans, rinsed and drained
¼ cup green onions, chopped
¼ cup tomatoes, diced
¼ cup cilantro, chopped
¼ cup corn chips, crushed
2 tablespoons white vinegar
4 tablespoons mayonnaise
Salt to taste
2-4 avocados, sliced in half with pits discarded


Many more delicious finds at www.pinterest.com/schilbo/food/.

2. My Drunk Kitchen

THIS is how to make cookies:

A life not void of pure intent

This time of year means a lot of things to me. First of all, I work in higher education so I've been obsessively tracking enrollment data for the last four weeks because students = money = paycheck. Second of all, I'm supposed to be in school right now getting a degree in Business Cats but I once again have to take a leave of absence from school cause the rest of my life is... in disarray.

But what I observe most is that fall marks my anniversary of moving to California. I came here for school and I've never left. I was lost and now found. And I'm back again, running hard, one foot in front of the other, chin up, clear-eyed, straight into my tenth year.











This is home.