Phone It In Friday: Sing-Along Edition

We really, truly missed hanging out with each and every one of you. So here's just a snippet from Saturday night:


jovi from kat on Vimeo.

But what we really want to know is what song would YOU have played on the jukebox? Let us know in the comments, and we'll do our best to sing along!

Babies are assholes: true or false

Collective archives contain many things, such as original artwork and, of course, all of our posts, but what you may not know is that they also include the following, collected on our trip to Chicago:

Autographs:

Funny Trivial Pursuit cards:

For those who cannot make out my blurry photos (blurry on account of drunk), allow me to BLOW YOUR MIND.

QUESTION: What did Otto Titzling invent?

ANSWER: The brassiere.

True story. You would have stolen it, too. Anyway.

Super Absorbency:

And best of all, an original trivia game made up by our own Heather Anne. Which you can now play. Right now. Except for some questions because SOMEONE crossed them all out so they're hard to read and then she crumpled up the paper so they're even HARDER to read.

CATEGORY 1 - Potter

1. When does Harry see Voldemort first?

2. Who is the only Potter character based on a real person?

3. Name 6 (I think) Animagi.

4. What is Albus Dumbledore's full name?

5. Who is the best Potter character? (note: according to Heather Anne)

CATEGORY 2 - Swear Words

1. What word doubles as "donkey?"

2. What word doubles as "poo?"

3. What is the best quote in Love, Actually?

4. Make up a swear word.

5. Babies are assholes: true or false.

CATEGORY 3 - Movie Quotes

1. "She needs to sort out her priorities."

2. "Somewhere in the middle of all this I fell in love with you."

3. "F-O-X."

4. "From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.

5. "You wear stupid things your mum buys you, tonight's another...classic."

CATEGORY 4 - Currency

1. Who is on the $20?

2. Alexander Hamilton is the hottest president on currency, correct? (I think, I can't really read it)

3. What is the best color of currency?

4. can't read it

5. can't read it, but I think it's something about National Treasure

I wish Collective archives contained a picture of the cannibal we met or our waiter, Dooglas Dorsey, but alas...no.

I should really document the cannibal thing so we have it in the archives and so HERE.

Hokay.  So.  There we were, just sipping our drinks and eating our cheese and this guy was all, "are you guys from Minnesota?" and we were all, "PSHAW no," and he was all, "OK, cool.  Did you guys meet on Myspace?" and we were all, "eff you, NO," and he was all, "OK, cool.  Do you think humans are white meat or dark meat?" and then Heather looked at me and was like, "I can't listen to this conversation anymore," because that's when his girlfriend started talking about how they Googled that question and it came up with this cannibal website where they tell you how to cook humans and that's when I started looking around the bar for things to use as weapons because WE WERE SITTING NEXT TO REAL HONEST-TO-BLOG ZOMBIES.  True story.  Sort of.  Then the zombie pulled out his cell phone and it had like an old-timey radio antennae on it.  He was an old-fashioned zombie.  

Trivial Pursuit: Retard Edition.

The greatest idea I had all weekend was NOT the 30 cans of PBR.



Nor was was it having hot dogs delivered to that one dive bar that DIDN'T smell like b.o.



It wasn't even all that cheese I picked out at the grocery store.



Nope, my greatest idea of the weekend was suggesting to Heather Anne that maybe she should go over and ask that nice little boy and his father if she could have a ride on their sled.

Which she did:

Walk Behind Me and I'll Start a Parade

First, some miracles. It was really REALLY cold when I arrived on Thursday night. I was staying with my brother on the north side before the rest of the team arrived and in the two blocks we had to walk from the El stop to his apartment my face froze and it hurt so much I couldn't move or talk or even cry. It was three degrees. Friday morning proved to be more of the same and I tried to twist and tangle my scarf into a full face mask.

After Jennie and I got Kat and Heather at the airport, we had to find our way to our swanky apartment with parking included. This involved procuring a garage censor from a doorman and then locating the garage on the other side of the building. We split into two teams--Heather and I would locate the doorman and then meet Kat and Jennie at the garage entrance. We jumped out of the car into the three degrees and Heather dropped dead with a fast thwump thud. I was worried for her health and she ducked into my back, shoving her face between my shoulder blades hoping for shelter. I made her run. I think running is the only reason why I survived this weather when I was a kid. House to car, car to school, never stop, run, run, run.

It was cold is what I'm saying.

But! Miracle time! On Saturday, our Day in the City, it wasn't three degrees. In fact, it was a balmy 30 degrees. THIRTY! That's practically roasty! And so we were able to walk around the city without wanting to die.

The other miracle?

Snowflakes. Each one is different, did you know?



As they fell on Saturday morning I was amazed to see their details trapped in my scarf. They looked just like the fake ones with all the symmetrical points and each one really was different. Miracle!

Our hats are pretty awesome. I bought them in early November from a vendor at a work conference and have been anxiously awaiting the day we could all wear them. And that day was better than I could have ever imagined.



I mean, have you ever seen something so cool in your entire life? The answer you're looking for is no.

About the hats: they are made by women in Nepal who were rescued from the sex slave industry. They are fleece-lined and toasty warm in addition to be super cute. They make a lot of other stuff too and if you want to buy some, you can at RansomWear.

We got asked that a lot and the Collective kept deferring to me, the buyer. But that kind of question is always hard for me, because if I don't have an easy answer like Target or Old Navy or a thrift store I don't know how to explain to the asker that they too can get them, but it does take an extra step. So my answers ended up being really rude. For example, "Nepal. Scoff." Or. "The internet. Ever heard of it?"

Kat and Jennie and Heather kept trying to steer my out of idiot territory, and we slowly developed a rationalized way to answer the question. We reached successed on Saturday night when we had this exchange outside the Threadless store (approximation/dramatization):

Lady: OMIGOD! Your hats! They're amazing!
Us: Thanks!
Lady: Where did you get them?
Me: They can be purchased online but I got them elsewhere.
Kat: They're made by women in Nepal who were rescued from the sex slave industry.
Me: I can give you the website if you want.
Lady: That is so cool! I got my niece an animal hoodie for Christmas, and I've been having secretly jealously ever since. This is perfect!

The end. Photos are from Kat.

I hope someone writes about the cannibal we met.

Abigail bought us hats. They were made in Nepal.

My favorite thing about traveling with The Collective is that I never have to plan anything. I just get on a plane the day someone tells me to get on a plane, and Kat!, Abigail!, and Jennie! take care of the rest. When I landed in Chicago on Friday, I texted to say, "Landed. Waiting on further instructions."

Not knowing is kind of like magic.

Like, when we showed up at our apartment, this was the view:



And in the morning it looked like this:



And this:



Jennie! bought me Harry Potter Clue for my birthday.



Wall-E watched over us while we played. (Jennie always won.)



We visited The Bean.



And saw a big monument dedicated to Saddam Hussein.



We had some cocktails high above Chicago at the Signature Room at 95th.



And some delicious pizza from Geno's.



A lot of other things happened, too, but the rest of The Collective will tell you about that. I'm just here to set the stage.

My Collective Christmas Flickr set.