The Halloween episodes of Roseanne are some of the best television ever made, and in my head I do the holiday just like she does, complete with over-the-top parties, costumes, and shenanigans. In my head, I prepare for Halloween the way most people prepare for Christmas, with decorations and cookies and pies galore. Then again, in my head I’m witty and pretty and bright.
In real life, or “IRL”, I’m kind of a mess. I have no concept of time. Like, none. If you were to ask me when Halloween was this year, I’d be all, “This weekend!” but my brain would be all, “In three weeks or something!” Add to that the fact that I cannot multi-task, AT ALL, and... well... sometimes we carve pumpkins:
and sometimes we don’t. Like this year, for example! Halloween is this weekend, but between dinner plans, and the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, and drinking with the horse people (don’t ask), and just drinking in general, I DON’T KNOW WHEN WE’LL HAVE TIME. And then there’s the costume sitch. THIS YEAR was going to be the year I wore a totally funny and awesome costume. I even went online weeks ago and picked one out. But then I got distracted by something shiny, and did I ever order said funny and awesome costume? NO I DID NOT! So once again it looks like I’ll be donning my Groucho glasses or my tiny pirate hat and hoping for the best.
So, in summary, my Halloween traditions include maybe or maybe not decorating, maybe or maybe not carving pumpkins, maybe or maybe not baking, and maybe or maybe not dressing up in a totally funny and awesome costume. And public drunkenness. Lots and lots of public drunkenness.
See you at the rally!