Thursday, 5 May 2011

if you like it, then you shoulda put your butt on it*

Jennie The first time I remember making someone laugh so hard that they lost control of their bodily functions was years and years ago, when I was on vacation with my family. We were all gathered at my great aunt's house, sitting around a large table in her backyard. Midway through dinner, I burped, long and loud like Buddy the Elf had inhabited my body. My uncle had to sprint from the table, beer shooting out of his mouth. I was eight.

Thus began my long career of trying to out-Chandler Bing everyone in the room. I was that little girl perfecting her Babs Bunny imitation on the playground at recess. I was that person sitting in the back of the classroom, cracking jokes that only those sitting next to me could hear. I'm that woman who talks about poop and dog barf on her blog, immature, yes, but it's FOR THE LAUGHS, PEOPLE.

Honestly, I haven't felt very compliment-worthy lately but I've had enough people tell me I'm funny to believe that, sure, sometimes I'm good for a laugh. I once made my mom laugh so hard that she peed a little and another time Joe LITERALLY almost passed out because he was laughing so hard at something I did/said that he couldn't catch his breath. I don't remember what I said either of those times. If I did, knowing me, I'd run it into the ground until it wasn't funny anymore. For an example of this, I submit Exhibit A: my blog.

I also talk about farting a lot, so kids think I'm hilarious.

ANYWAY. Here are some actual funny people. I know they're For Real Funny** because they get paid for it:

*I also change certain words in pop songs to "butt" or "poop" WOULD YOU LIKE TO HIRE ME TO SING AT YOUR WEDDING?
**except for Horatio Sanz


mysterygirl! said...

You are definitely funny-- I remember the first time I read your blog, almost crying laughing, thinking, "how come I hadn't found this person before?" I don't think you've made me pee my pants yet, but let's face it-- it's just a matter of time.

Joe G. said...

You almost killed me that time. Seriously. Why are you trying to murder me.

Jennie said...

mg! sometimes the internet is so funny that I'm terrified that I might pee my pants, which is a weird reaction to reading the internet, right?

Joe, it wasn't on purpose, does that help?

Heather Anne Hogan said...

You know what's amazing about you? You're equally hilarious in writing AND in person. There's like two people in the world who can claim that: You and Tina Fey.

eclectic said...

I know funny, and you, Jennie!, are FUNNEH!

Also, that Drunk History video is about the best thing the general internet has given me in weeks. Thank you!

Ashley said...

I almost died laughing the first time I read your blog. All those Conversations With My Roommate you used to do. I was like, who IS this person?

Jennie said...

H!A! I wish I was BFF with Tina Fey. Or Amy Poehler. Or OOH! Amy Sedaris.

Shari, those Drunk History videos are my favorite thing. I have seen all of them so many times.

Ashley, I would bring back Conversations with My Roommate but most of my conversations with Joe are either not appropriate or would make no sense to anyone but us. In other news, I had a dream that I straight up killed a Cylon last night so that was awesome.

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

Is there anything better than Drunk History? No. No, there is not.

Well, you, maybe. You are seriously goddamn funny. So much so that I will risk my soul's well-being by using the Lord's name in vain to say it.