You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear. Please go the f*!k to sleep.

I hail from a family of Olympic-caliber sleepers. It's my grandpa's genetics, I think, the way we Hogans can sleep on planes and trains and hot air balloons and on the floor and on the couch and occasionally at traffic lights. When I was but a wee lass, I was too terrified of burglars to even shut my eyes, but my dad finally stuck a fan in my room as loud as a jet engine, and after that, I became a champion sleeper too. I don't just like to sleep; I've got to sleep, or else I am the absolute worst and you'll end up punching me in the head before lunch time.

I gave up caffeine (again) about six weeks ago, and so I've been sleeping better than ever lately. Except for last Saturday night. See, last Saturday night I took some kind of time-release nasal decongestant and every time it time-released (like every seventeen seconds) it jolted me into wide-awakeness. I knew as I was lying there that this week's Collective topic is: What do you do when you can't sleep? And probably I should have just gotten up and written my post, but I couldn't, because the thing I do when I can't sleep is get angrier and angrier and angrier and ANGRIER AND ANGRIER AND ANGRIER.

BECAUSE WHY CAN'T I SLEEP? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! IT'S NIGHT TIME! I'M TIRED! I HAVE A SHIT TON TO DO TOMORROW, AND I WON'T GET ANY OF IT DONE IF I FEEL LIKE A POOPHEAD! OH, MY GOD, IS IT REALLY 4 A.M.? OH, MY GOD, IS IT REALLY 5 A.M.? OH, MY GOD, IS IT REALLY 6 A.M.? MY LIFE IS RUINED! RUUUUUIIIINNNNED!

And then, instead of just being mad at the night, I start getting mad at everything. TV shows that ended when I was like 11. Third books in trilogies that didn't live up to the previous books' hype. Companies that discontinued my favorite snacks. Commercial jingles that get stuck in my head. People who cut me off in traffic back when I had my learner's permit a hundred years ago. Just ... everything. All the things.

Anyway, last Saturday, I finally just got up and went for a hike so I could take some sunrise photos, and while I was waiting on the mountain bike trail for the sun to do its morning thing, I made a list of things it's worth staying up all night to do:

1) Make out
2) Read Harry Potter
3) Re-read Harry Potter
4) Or maybe read other excellent books
5) Midnight movies
6) Marathon TV
7) Explore new cities
8) Pub shenanigans
9) Night time kayaking, mountain biking, hiking, etc.
10) To win any kind of competition

Otherwise, brain: