Dear Current Love Obsession,

A couple of months ago, I abandoned the poop jokes and the profanity and wrote a very serious post about how much I love Joe and how perfect everything is and blah blah blah ain't love grand. I only have about one of those in me a year, I'm afraid, and so today I won't be making the Internet barf over how FREAKING adorable we are.

But we are, right? At least in our own minds, which is what's really important. Also important: we laugh at the same stupid things. FOR INSTANCE. Lately, we've been imitating the way Joe's friend's baby says, "milk." When she says it, it sounds something like this: meeeee-alk! and it's so adorable, your face might melt off. And this is why we walk around going, "meeeeeeeealk!" and then dissolving into a puddle of giggles for five minutes, until one of says, "MEEEEEE-AAAAALK!" and thus continues the cycle. It's ridiculous.

But that's not what this is about. No. Today I want to tell you about my inappropriate obsession with Danny DeVito.

Yes, THAT Danny DeVito.

I've always liked Danny DeVito (he and Emma Thompson are the reasons I enjoy Junior as much as I do WHAT SHUT UP) but lately I think that "like" is bordering on obsession. It's all his fault, really. If he wasn't so stinking funny on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, this never would have happened. And then he joined Twitter! YOU GUYS. He twits things like this:

I just joined Twitter! I don't really get this site or how it works. My nuts are on fire.

Evil Mutants? Holy Shit balls? The fix: hot cup fresh mint tea with two shots of Danny DeVito's Premium Limoncello mixed in. Sweet Dreams!

The time has come the walrus said to speak of many things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of Hot balls! The nightman cometh! Bitch

Hungry need crabs

Lost in Ohio! On foot. Looking for our cottage! No sign! Oh shit!! Geese attack! Loudest honking I ever heard coming toward us! Darkness...

And he sends twits to people like Danny Glover and Arnold Schwartzenegger (cause that's his twin) and also, you know, I think Danny Glover might be as crazy as Danny DeVito. Is it the name? I'm not really sure Danny Glover's Twitter is real, but Danny DeVito must think it is so that's good enough for me.

And he takes pictures of his foot in front of things and says, like, "Troll foot on wet balcony." HE IS INSANE. And I love him. Platonically, of course. I just want to pick him up and carry him around in my pocket. But not if he's trippin' balls. I don't want him to poop in there.

My point is, you should follow Danny DeVito on Twitter because he is made of awesome.