I have only one pet, TECHNICALLY, although I still consider my parents' dog Ripley my pet, if only because SHE TOTALLY LIKES ME BEST. We are simpatico. This is Ripley:
She was born on Halloween, making her automatically AWESOME, plus also she has an impressive array of bandanas:
Other awesome things:
1. She will chase a laser pointer, much like a cat does, only it's way better because cats are tiny and she is ginormous.
1. She will chase a laser pointer, much like a cat does, only it's way better because cats are tiny and she is ginormous.
2. I somehow trained her to go all crazy and head-tilty-barky by saying, "Bueller...Bueller...Bueller." It is amazing.
3. If you talk really slowly to her (like this: "Riiiiiiiiiipley...aaaaaaare...yoooooouuuuu...goiiiiiiing toooooooo...the...maaaaaaaaaall...laaaaaaater?" sort of like how Dory speaks whale), she tilts her head like those pugs in that one Youtube video that I can't look up right now because I'm at work and they hate me and won't let me look at the Youtubes, wow, good story, Jennie, tell it again.
Ripley is perfect, really, just like Maddie and that is the magic of Labs. Not really, though, I know some crazy-as-shit Labs who I would not want to hang out with on a regular basis. Ripley, though, Ripley is so good and sometimes she will come up and rest her head on your leg and look up at you with sad puppy eyes until your heart breaks and you pet her and give her treats and apologize for being such an imperfect human person. But those are my issues. Let's move on.
I don't want you to think that I don't love my real pet, Phoebe Princess Consuela Banana Hammock Buffay, the pet who lives with me, because I totally do, even though I think she merely tolerates my existence because I clean up her poo and vomit and feed her and give her kitty drugs. This is Phoebe:
I don't want you to think that I don't love my real pet, Phoebe Princess Consuela Banana Hammock Buffay, the pet who lives with me, because I totally do, even though I think she merely tolerates my existence because I clean up her poo and vomit and feed her and give her kitty drugs. This is Phoebe:
Look at her. She's all, "Why are you waking me up with that camera flash, you silly girl? I fart in your general di-rection," only do cats fart? I'm not sure. I know that Joe went on and on about what an asshole she is, and OH is she, but she does cute things, too. Mostly when she's hopped up on kitty drugs, but not always. FOR INSTANCE:
1. I don't think she knows her real name, probably because I call her "Kitty" all the time. Also one time Heidi and I tried to rename her, "Murray." Anyway. Sometimes we play this game and it's so lame that it's awesome and this is what it is: I say, "kitty?" and then she goes, "meow," and then I say, "kitty?" and she says, "meow," and this goes on until one of us gets bored with it. Usually she gets bored first.
1. I don't think she knows her real name, probably because I call her "Kitty" all the time. Also one time Heidi and I tried to rename her, "Murray." Anyway. Sometimes we play this game and it's so lame that it's awesome and this is what it is: I say, "kitty?" and then she goes, "meow," and then I say, "kitty?" and she says, "meow," and this goes on until one of us gets bored with it. Usually she gets bored first.
2. If my pajamas have a drawstring on them, and I'm lying in bed or on the sofa or whatever and she sees the string, she'll start swatting at it and it's pretty goddamn adorable. She won't play with any of the real toys I buy her, though, unless they have catnip in them.
3. She takes naps in laundry baskets full of clean clothes, which is kind of asshole but mostly cute.
5. She burrows under the covers when it's cold.
Anyway, Ripley and Phoebe are awesome and all, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming about my future pets. Future pets I have wished for include but are not limited to:
1. potbelly pig (I might have researched where to get one online, but that's as far as I got)
2. duck
3. tiny monkey
4. penguin
5. baby elephant
Anyway, Ripley and Phoebe are awesome and all, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming about my future pets. Future pets I have wished for include but are not limited to:
1. potbelly pig (I might have researched where to get one online, but that's as far as I got)
2. duck
3. tiny monkey
4. penguin
5. baby elephant
6. baby bunnies
7. chipmunk
8. squirrel
SOME MIGHT SAY that these pets are not realistic but I would tell them to BITE ME. And whatever, I totally have like ten baby elephants right now on FarmVille:
SOME MIGHT SAY that these pets are not realistic but I would tell them to BITE ME. And whatever, I totally have like ten baby elephants right now on FarmVille:
so I'm on my way. Who says dreams don't come true?
*for baby elephants
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment