Wednesday, 3 February 2010

5 Worst Guys I Ever Dated

This list needs no introduction, and yet here it is anyway.

1. B.R.

Told me he loved me. Broke up with me. Told me he loved me. Found out he was a liar (well, I knew that already; I just thought he'd never lie to me. CLASSIC GIRL MISTAKE.). Dropped off the face of the planet, so I have no idea where he is now nor what he's doing.

2. B.V.

Publicly denied we were dating. Broke up with me, like, seventeen times. One month before his wedding told me I was the love of his life. Married timber heiress; has two boys and the Lord.

3. M.B.

Also publicly denied we were dating, though this time it was my idea. Dumped me for someone else. Told me he loved me. Cheated on every subsequent college girlfriend with me. Married mannish woman strangely obsessed with her grandmother.

4. D.L.

Broke up with me by telling everyone in the world BUT me. When confronted confirmed, but said he had fallen in love with me. Have not heard from him since my completely original and not-at-all-cliched revenge (his name was Chuck, last name escapes me so let's go with Klosterman), but there's a picture of him with a very lovely little girl on his Facebook profile, so that's nice for him.

5. K.N.

Asked some freshman to go to our senior prom with him. Didn't break up so much as completely stopped talking to each other after that. Just got engaged to a wonderful girl in Birmingham. May be moving to DC for grad school. Kind of hope he does, because he's still pretty awesome. (You know, except for that prom thing. I'll never forgive him for that one.)


Heather Anne said...

re: BV - I would much rather have you than the Lord.

mysterygirl! said...

Me, too.

These are pretty awesomely bad boyfriends.

peefer said...

What terrible judgment you have. (This is not disapprobation. Rather, I mean this with empathy.)

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

It's been reinforced to me through after a month of random dating that men can be really REALLY destructive to some women. We're pretty much the devil, I think.

Jennie said...

Fuckwits, all of them!

(OK, really I just wanted to say fuckwits, but I stand by it)

kat said...

boys: they suck.

Ashley said...


eclectic said...

I'm really glad all those boys have to spend the rest of their pathetic lives without you. They never deserved you -- obviously -- and it serves 'em right.

Joe G. said...

I'm sorry.

(I don't know why, but I feel the need to apologize.)