Petrie, do not feel sad. It is alright. Many things cannot fly. Rocks, trees, sticks, Spike...

I was an insufferable child, I imagine. Bossy, a know-it-all, really, Hermione Granger with pigtails and a bigger mouth. I've always been opinionated and usually ran my mouth about whatever inequality I spied with my little eye, which is why I yelled at the daycare director for always making the girls ride in the crappy white van with no air-conditioning and why I complained to the gym teacher that it wasn't fair that he always picked BOYS to help set up the mats for kickball and why I lectured Mr. Counts in the 3rd grade about how women were just as strong as men because did he know they carry babies for nine months IN THEIR STOMACHS? I'm guessing he did, although I think I'd just learned all about it from The Talk my mom gave me after I read Are You There, God, It's Me Margaret and asked her why all those girls in the book were talking about periods because what's so fascinating about punctuation, you guys, REALLY.

So when we started a recycling program at school and I learned about THE ENVIRONMENT and how humans were all up in THE ENVIRONMENT'S business, ruining oceans and blasting down trees and breaking the ozone with COW FARTS, why, I didn't let any opportunity to lecture someone about saving the world pass me by.

Nowadays, I'm glad Kat's got saving the world covered because, frankly, I have gotten lazy. I wish little Jennie would climb in her rocketship(duh)/time machine with Figment and come smack some sense into me. Maybe it's because I'm getting old, but I'm forever forgetting my reusable bags when I go to the grocery, so I have to get plastic ones and then I bring them home and feel guilty but then I use them to clean litter boxes and stuff and I feel LESS guilty but still...no guilt is good guilt. Or something.

Kermit had it right, it's not easy being green (yeah, I went there), but I'm trying. Like, did you know wedding flowers are stupid expensive? Like, some guy quoted me something like $750 WITH A STRAIGHT FACE (I'm assuming, since it was all through email) and I was like, um, sorry, guy, but I'll just go pick some dandelions and make myself a dandelion tiara or something the morning of the wedding. And it turns out, wedding flowers can be horribly bad for the environment unless you get them locally grown from people who don't throw pesticides all over like they're sprinkling sprinkles on cupcakes because lord knows you can never have enough cupcake sprinkles. No, I don't know what I'm talking about either. Anyway, my point is, I'm doing no flowers or fake flowers or local flowers and I'm trying to go to all local businesses for everything else so I don't stomp Mother Nature in the face with my giant carbon footprint.

Because, bipolar or not, I totally love Mother Nature and you want to know why? Ducks. And penguins. And otters and elephants and potbellied pigs and every single other animal I've ever threatened to get as a pet, especially the baby ones.