I don't want to brag, but I can kick any To Do list's ass in the most efficient way possible. Which is odd, considering I'm also really good at wasting time. I am EXCEPTIONALLY good at wasting time. I will waste the shit out of all of your time, just give it here. GIVE IT. I can waste an hour of time in half an hour, that's how good I am. I don't know what that means.
But, really, I think the reason I have so much time to waste is because I'm so good at planning and tackling To Do lists. This is not to say that I spend all of my time making lists, crossing off items, and being productive. Of course not. What kind of life would that be? I'd be all, "Fun? DOES NOT COMPUTE," and then I'd pick up my notepad and get to crossing without even stopping for a robot smoothie (battery acid + milk = robot smoothie).
No, what I mean is, if I have a lists of NECESSARY tasks to complete, I can complete it in the most efficient way. Even if the list isn't written down. Because I plan everything. EVERYTHING. From big trips to what order to do the things I need to do when I get home from work.
It might seem silly to plan the little things, but it's how I have so much time to waste. Like, OK. Say I have to go to the grocery, make dinner, go running, do laundry, and pack my lunch all in the same evening. I could go home first and run, and then maybe laze about making dinner and MAYBE go to the grocery and do laundry if there's time.
NO. This is unacceptable. The correct answer is: go to the grocery, go home, put groceries away, start load of laundry, work out, put laundry in dryer, start dinner, pack lunch while dinner is cooking, eat dinner, LAZE ABOUT THE REST OF THE EVENING.
This "gift" is not always a good thing. I have my morning routine down to a science. Get up, brush teeth, shower, start getting dressed, blow dry hair, turn on flat iron, put on make up, flat iron hair, go to kitchen, start coffee, start toasting english muffin, finish getting dressed, jamify english muffin, pack lunch, get coffee ready, hug Joe, leave for work.
This leaves no time for extras, like if Joe gets up on only the third snooze alarm instead of, like, the seventh and wants an extra hug. THERE'S NO TIME FOR EXTRA HUGS, JOE.
You guys, I am an asshole. But I'm awesome at it, so at least there's that.