I want to believe (that there was only one X-Files movie)

  I was 16 when the first X-Files movie came out and I was determined to see it with my friend, Andi. There was one problem. Andi lived in North Carolina, I lived in Ohio, and we had never met. And my parents, being sane, didn't fancy their first-born daughter flying across several states to possibly get axe-murdered by a fifty-year-old pedophile who had been pretending to be a 16-year-old X-Phile.

This was way before the trustworthy dates of the Internet, the days of TequilaCon, the Thanksgiving Miracle, and Match.com. This was during the dark ages, a strange world filled with AOL chatrooms (a/s/l?), forums, and email fan-lists for every variety of nerdery. The X-Files, for one. Joe also tells me he belonged to a comic book email list SURPRISE SURPRISE.

I'm not sure how exactly Andi and I "met," but we soon spent hours talking to each other on IM. IM! We discussed everything from boys at school to how Chris Carter was going to bring Mulder back from the dead. Again. We shipped Mulder and Scully (4EVA!) and hated Diana Fowley with the fire of a thousand suns. So when the first X-Files movie was set to be released, we came up with the crazy idea that we should see it together. Obviously.

I can't remember how I broached the subject to my parents, but I can't imagine it was well-received. I mean, right? I'm sure my parents were already worried about how much time I was spending online, and now I wanted to go meet some imaginary friend in North Carolina? They said no, I hope I (maybe?) tried reasoning with them before pouting and crying, but who can remember?

Now, because my parents are far better to me than I deserve, they eventually offered to DRIVE ME to North Carolina. We'd make a family trip of it, they could meet Andi and her parents, they'd get to hang out at a hotel pool, and everyone could live happily ever after knowing that their darling children were not going to be horribly murdered by Internet monsters.

I was giddy (giddy!) the entire way there. Andi and her mom met us at our hotel and then we went to dinner. My parents were assured that Andi's family was normal (just like us!) and I was allowed to spend the night at Andi's house, where we stayed up late talking and giggling and watching our favorite moments from our favorite X-Files episodes. We were still giddy, both from finally meeting each other and because The X-Files movie was the next day.

You guys, we saw the movie like four times on opening day. It was ridiculous. Our parents came with us the first time, even though my dad hated the show, hated David Duchovny's bland (his words) delivery and Gillian Anderson's wooden stoicism (SHE WAS A SCIENTIST, DAD). They took my sister to do something vacationy after the show, I think, but Andi and I (and her friend) went to Target to get snacks and then settled back into the best theater seats we could find for the next showing.

You can imagine how excited I was that there was going to be a second X-Files movie, right? I mean, I went to North Carolina to see the first one. Four times. In one day. I promised my sister that we would go see it, but she couldn't go until the weekend after it opened, and since I am super impatient, Joe and I went on opening night. And...you guys. It was so boring. I don't even remember what it was about, only that it wasn't very X-Filey, and I was so, so sad when it was over. Not BECAUSE it was over, but because it wasn't what I wanted. And, you guys, Mulder and Scully LIVE TOGETHER in the second movie! There are no bees to get in the way of their smooches! And I was still miserable! It wasn't even that it was the worst movie ever made, but it was BORING, which was almost WORSE. Maybe my expectations were too high (probably) but even with normal people expectations, it was still the Biggest! Letdown! Ever!

The worst thing was that I'd already promised that I'd take my sister to go see it. So I saw it again the next weekend. I was so sad and bored that I tried to play my favorite X-Files episodes in my head instead, but did you know movie theaters are really loud? Makes it really hard to concentrate.