Monday, 16 January 2012

The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They're mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well-read, which makes them dangerous.


One of my favorite things about The Collective (the four of us guys, plus you guys) is how we're the kind of people who prefer to read the book before watching the movie. Which means: a) We're the greatest kind of people in the world (the informed kind!), but b) We're the most likely people in the world to have our childhoods despoiled (by Jim Carrey, usually). Because we know how the story was REALLY supposed to go, and HOW DARE HOLLYWOOD ruin it with their grubby, money-hungry hands!

This week's topic is: Most Disappointing Movie, and so here is my list of the five most disappointing book-to-movie adaptations.

5) Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events/The Grinch

I'm grouping these together because they both star Jim Carrey as a life ruiner and I don't want to give him any more thought that I absolutely have to. Did you know Dr. Seuss' wife hated The Grinch so much that she walked out of the premiere? Four for you, Mrs. Seuss. You go, Mrs. Seuss.

4) The Invention of Hugo Cabret

Brian Selznick's book is -- and you know I don't say this lightly -- actual magic. It's one of the most gorgeous things I've ever held in my hands or gazed at with my eyeballs. Martin Scorsese's film adaptation absolutely soulless. It's the exact opposite of the book.

3) Eragon

I've got plenty of issues with Christopher Paolini's Inheritance series (née trilogy), but Eragon, his precocious little origin story, was excessively fun. Great world-building, exciting questiness, plenty of pathos. The movie was maybe the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. I don't only mean the adaptation was bad (it was); I mean the entire movie was terrible. Terrible screenplay, terrible directing, terrible acting, terrible effects. Just all around worst, worst, worst.

2) The Golden Compass

You know everything I just said up there about Eragon? Exact same thing down here about The Golden Compass.

1) The Tale of Desperaux

I almost can't even talk about this. My favorite (non-Harry Potter) book in life, and it was butchered in an animated film starring Emma Watson. Betrayed by Hermione? It's almost enough to make a person give up on living.


Gretchen Alice said...

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.
(I never actually SAW The Tale of Desperaux, so I can't vouch for that. And I plan on staying far, far away.)

Jennie said...

The only one of these I've seen is The Grinch, which I saw in the theater and I then spent like six months complaining about.

eclectic said...

Don't let's speak ever again about Eragon the movie. The bone-crushing disappointment, the agonizing betrayal, oh, I can't bear it.

eclectic said...

P.S. My cat is named Sapphira, fer chrissakes. How DARE they?!

Fence said...

That's why I always try to see the film version first. Because the book is always (mostly) better, so then when I get around to it I can still appreciate both. Loved the film version of Desperaux, but I haven't read it yet.

peefer said...

Jim Carrey. $%&#. I can't even.

peefer said...

I was none too pleased with Stardust by the way. The movie adaptation, that is. (Duh.) It was an oh so perfectly paced written tale contorted into a grand Hollywood kaboom. Why, people, why?!

(That said, Charlie Cox and Claire Danes pleased me much, and kept me from forking my eyes out.) (My apologies to all Claire Danes haters.)

Consider this call-it-in-Friday a few days early.


Jennie said...

Ooh, Stardust the book was a little slice of perfection.

Abigail said...

I think I loved Stardust the movie, but never read the book. Claire Danes always pleases me, regardless.

HUGO IS THE WORST THING. I've never been so bored in my life.

kat said...


the end.

Ashley said...

Agreed on all fronts, except perhaps Hugo . . . because I haven't read the book yet. I thought the film was good, not like the second coming of Jesus or anything, but I liked it. Why did you think it was soulless?

Ashley said...

Oh, PS, have you read the last Inheritance book yet? I keep meaning to pick it up, but I know it's going to suck, so I never get around to it.