Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Five Best Scenes from Movies You Refuse to Watch

I get a lot of flack for my film preferences. And I'm not just talking about "Abigail, we both know that you only like wide-release movies" or even the "You like rom-coms? Blech!" flack. I mean that I get flack from my best friends regarding movies that I watch (over and over) and even own. These movies suck, I know they do. And yet I can't not love them. I can't not love Mandy Moore pretending to be the President's daughter. I can't not love Brittany Murphy twirling. It's who I am. So since you'll never see the movies, I thought I'd help. (Descriptions from Wikipedia. In my ideal universe, there would be thought bubbles littering reality with the first sentence explanation according to Wikipedia.)

A Cinderella Story
"A teen romance movie starring Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray. A modern-day take on the classic story of Cinderella, the plot involves a lost cell phone, rather than the traditional glass slipper." Hilary and Chad Michael totally fall in love even though she works at a diner (which is, apparently, the worst thing in the WORLD and "Diner Girl" is what everybody calls her and the kids at her school are so awful that it makes me thankful for my own high school experience) and he is the star of the football team (even though Chad's true calling is basketball, everybody knows that). HOWEVER, he totally get embarrassed of her because of the whole diner thing and she CALLS HIM OUT. Every high school girl (and also lots of women I know) wishes she could lay the smack down like this (minus the draught reference).

"A 2002 movie starring pop superstar Britney Spears in her first major movie role. In the film, Spears plays teenage Lucy, the lead character. It is rated PG-13 for sexual content and brief teen drinking." Long before K-Fed, Brit broke into the film industry with a story of love and growing up. She plays a version of that girl from Say Anything except her dad is less douche-y and more controlling. So she run aways to become a whore in Los Angeles. And Zoe Saldana is in it and she's awesome. (When is she not awesome? Answer me that!) And! Justin Long plays her lab partner slash prom date. After prom:

Chasing Liberty
"Chasing Liberty is a 2004 romantic comedy about the American President's daughter. It starred Mandy Moore and Matthew Goode. Not to be confused with First Daughter, a film starring Katie Holmes, also released in 2004 and with a very similar plot." Matthew Goode has a REALLY hot accent. Truth. Also, Europe. Mandy gets pretty annoying by the end but that has a lot to do with her being a teenager and a sheltered teenager who just wants to be naked. Or something. Anyway, in between all the times when she's taking all her clothes off (quote after goode won't make the sex with her on the clock: "naked virgin safely in bed."), they meet this guy with stickers. He turns out to be a slime bucket, but I love his stickers.

Uptown Girls
"Uptown Girls is a 2003 comedy/drama directed by Boaz Yakin and adapted from the story by Allison Jacobs into screenplay by Julia Dahl, Mo Ogrodnik and Lisa Davidowitz. It stars Brittany Murphy (8 Mile) as a 22-year-old living a charmed life as the daughter of a famous rock and roll musician. Dakota Fanning (I Am Sam) co-stars. Tagline: They're about to teach each other how to act their age." Ha. This movie is sweet in all the right ways and it has good music and it was before I go super tired of the whole Dakota Fanning bit (I'm now officially tired of the whole Abigail Breslin bit too). For reasons unknown, it's impossible to find clips from the movie itself (but if you need a fan vid youtube can hook you up). I love all the parts of this movie when everyone yells at each other because it's about people saying how they feel when they've been pretending not to for so longer. And I know that is all sappy, but that's the great part about this movie. It's sappy! Love it!

Simply Irresistible
"Simply Irresistible (1999) is a 20th Century Fox romantic comedy feature film starring Sarah Michelle Gellar as Amanda Shelton. It was directed by Mark Tarlov and was written by Judith Roberts. If nothing else, this movie is notable as the last one reviewed by film critic Gene Siskel." Oh wow. That's all they could say about it? Well, it really is That Bad. I mean, I just, there are no words for how bad it is. But I own it. I own it because I once saw it (in 1999) and years later I couldn't remember it quite clearly: "I saw this movie once.. and it was about cooking... and it had a magical crab." One day I saw it at Target and it was only $5 and I had to buy it so I could see the magical crab again. I didn't intend for it to be part of my collection, but when people started borrowing it and then stoning me for allowing them to watch such a waste of time I felt like I had to defend it.

Side note: I tried to find the review by late Siskel but it wasn't on the first page of Google results. That was just full of people saying it was the last thing he reviewed. No one even cares what the review said. Awesome.

Anyway, there is one redeeming part of the movie. It's right at the end of this trailer. It's my favorite scene regarding the sexist "men think about sex all the time always it's science okay?" axiom. And enjoy the trailer.

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