I know everything about film. I’ve seen over 240 of them.

I had a really tough time with this, because I've seen about a million movies in my life and I've loved them all. That's a lie. I've loved a lot of them, though. Here's a truth: when I made my list of possible movie scenes to use, just sitting there at my desk with a pen and paper, I listed a billion. OK, that wasn't the whole truth, but GET OFF MY BACK.

Ahem. Now. Since we were only supposed to pick five movie scenes, I needed to set some parameters. Luckily, my fellow Collectivians (Collectivites?) picked some scenes from my list (see: Field of Dreams, The Wedding Singer . . . um, sorry, Abigail, but none of your movies were on my list, although Simply Irresistible does hold a special place in my heart), so ANYWAY that helped knock out a few contenders. Picking out the rest was easier than Paris Hilton (wow LAME) once I figured out a way to narrow down my list. So, OK. If I happen to catch one of the following movies on television AT ANY TIME, even if I'm headed out the door on my way to meet John Krasinski at a private Shins concert where he will buy me cheesecake and an endless supply of booze, I have to watch these movies until I get to these magical five scenes. I am physically incapable of turning the movie off before then. So now I bring you: The Five Movie Scenes That Outweigh My Desire to Drunkenly Eat Cheesecake While on a Date with John Krasinski (and The Shins):

1. Truth: When I was little, I thought Sloth was a real person.



2. Truth: I have seen this movie approximately 800 billion times.



3. Truth: If there was a Ferris Bueller tour in Chicago, I'd take it.



4. Truth: My friend's little brother used to grab his crotch and yell, "HONK HONK" just like Beetlejuice and, to this day, that is the funniest thing I have ever seen.



5. Truth: This scene is why I learned how to play Heart & Soul on the piano. Also, I still want a trampoline in my living room.



BONUS!:
Whenever ET is on, I try to watch the whole movie, really, but I definitely have to watch until when he calls his brother "penis breath," (ha!) and THEN I have to watch him let the frogs go. I couldn't find either of these clips, so instead, watch THIS and cry your fool head off. FYI, ET was my favorite movie when I was little (as in, when I was a toddler, I walked around with my finger stuck out going "ooooouuuuuch" and "ET phone home") and if you think about that even just a little bit, I think it'll completely explain how I turned out this way.

BONUS! BONUS! (shut up):
Fat guy in a little coat. Enough said.