Q & A with Abigail

This is a picture of my big o'l schnoz with world famous blogger, Abigail, way back in 2006 when we first met. Neither of our hairs nor the camera that took this picture have survived but thankfully our friendship has, because today I get to ask her some very, very funny questions. And I do realize this will only be funny to, like, four of you, but WHATEVER. I am not a clown sent for your amusement.

What is one thing you struggle to describe?

The depth of my affection for Andy Bernard.

Describe what you think makes a great president.

I hate politics.

List three things you'd buy with your last $20. One practical, one frivolous and one of your choosing.

Practical: Rum
Frivolous: Diet Max Cola
My Choosing: Something from Old Navy. (If you don't think I can find something on sale at Old Navy for 90 cents, YOU DON'T KNOW ME.)

When was the last time you surprised yourself?

I haven't had any caffeine in fourteen days. That I am not dead, that I have not killed my coworkers: both these things are surprising.

When was the last time you surprised someone else?

I blogged this week. I think that was pretty shocking to everyone.

You crash your friend's car because you're driving too fast in bad weather. Everyone's okay, but the car has to go into the shop. Do you pay the deductible?

Yes. But I don't drive too fast in bad weather, so it's a moo point.

Describe a moment when you were let down.

I bought a DVR a couple of months ago and then the writers went on strike and the networks wouldn't negotiate with them and all of my favorite shows just went to reruns. It's like, hey, here's a time machine, but you can only drive it up and down your own road and never go above 88 miles per hour.

Write your Academy Awards acceptance speech.

Wow. This is just so... wow. I didn't... not even my friends thought I was going to win this award tonight. I just... I mean... Keira Knigtley and Helem Mirren and... you are all just so much more... British than me. My agent said I was crazy to take Lauren Graham's place in The Gilmore Girls movie, but I just knew in my heart it was the right choice. I want to thank my mom for always believing in me, my brother for sending me the info about that Friends DVD box set, which I bought for only a hundred bucks, my friends, everyone at The Collective. Um. I love acting. I would do it for free. Oh, God. They're playing the music. Just... thank you to everyone. LUKE DANES, I LOVE YOU!

What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone?

From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and vain conceit, your cruel disregard for the feelings of others made me realize you were the last man on earth I could EVER be prevailed upon to marry.

Not really. Everyone knows I fall for arrogance.

What inspires you to blog?



Sometimes there is just so much wrongness on the Internet. There are people--honest to God--who think that reality television is a waste of time. Someone needs to set the record straight, and that someone is me. The Real Housewives of Orange County have real feelings. Learn it.

What's the best thing about today?

I am going to buy some Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra ice cream on my way home from work and eat it while watching the series premiere of The Real Housewives of New York City. I usually like to eat my ice with Top Model because, hello, irony or something, and that show is truly amazing (last week the girls modeled as homeless women with homeless women because the show is back in New York this season), but it's not til tomorrow night and that ice cream? I cannot wait til tomorrow. It has a CORE of caramel.

How many push-ups can you do?

Like those push-ups from the ice cream truck? I could probably eat like four bites of one before the brain freeze set in.

What aspect of your personality could use a little work?

I should probably take an active interest in national politics, especially considering the fact that a woman and an African-American are making history in the primary elections. But I won't. Because I am jaded and bitter thanks to Political Action Committees and the fact that the electoral college is a fucking joke. Great, now I have the rage again.

What compliment are you most often given?

I get a LOT of free stuff on account of the flirting, which is kind of the best kind of compliment a person can receive, I think. Would you rather someone tell you that you have beautiful eyes or give you some free stickers and a Nalgene flask? Flask, correct.

What's the worst thing that could happen to you today? Bonus question: How would that thing potentially benefit you?

The Greatest Show of Our Time could get canceled.

How could that benefit me? It could not. The world as a whole would unite under a banner of mourning.