Tuesday, 3 February 2009

I'm a Mac. And I'm a PC.

AbsGravesland has a lot of rage. Gravesland has a lot of technology-related rage. Gravesland is a lot like me. You know who I'm not like? Un-lazy Peefer. I love guest post week! All I have to do is copy and paste! Here's Gravesland's five people he would like to punch.


Dear Collective fans.

Hey there...I’m honored to be asked to post for you today.

I’m not quite the literary genius the Collective Ladies are...but I do have lots of opinions. So I jumped at the chance to expand on the topic of 5 people I’d like to punch.

You’ll notice a theme for the first three...but they deserved separate recognition.

Enjoy! (cue the deer)


Mr. “Gotta-Check-My-Text-Messages-During-the-Movie” Boy

You know this kid. The one that thinks if he spends 90 minutes without checking his email/text messages his life will end. That guy?

*BAM, Right in the mouth!

That little blazing light that has me screaming “MY EYES, MY EYES” and then reaching for the seizure medicine, interrupts a perfectly good movie. Hell, it interrupts a perfectly bad movie!

Side Note: I had no problem with this.

Miss “Texting-Smoking-PuttingOnMyMakeup-While-Driving-Goofy Foot” Lady

Yes, all 4!

I was driving behind above mentioned lady one day and wondering what the heck was going on. Speed up, slow down, look up, look down. She was all over the road.

So, being Mr. Patient, I did a slingshot around her to see that she had a lit cigarette hanging out of her mouth. With her left eye she was checking her phone while using her left hand to text. With her right eye she was looking in the rear-view mirror while using her right hand to apply Drew Carey Asst. Mimi style makeup. All while gently resting her left foot on the brake (see never ending brake lights) and using her right foot to somehow regulate her speed.

*POW, Right between the eyes!

Not sure I want to know how she was steering.

Mr. “I-Think-I’m-Important-So-I-Use-My-Cell-Phone-On-The-Plane” Man

I travel a lot via the friendly skies. And nothing bugs me more than the guy that uses his cell phone all the way through “A” Boarding (I Fly SWA), to his seat, after the door is closed and your seat back and tray table are in their upright and locked position.

*BANG, Both fists on the side of his temples!

This is the same guy that gets his phone out on landing and promptly calls someone that is unimportant to announce, “I’ve landed.” Not that Unimportant Person can do anything different now that Mr. Important has landed. Cause Unimportant Person should already be at the airport to pick up Mr. Important and be there to greet him when he gets past security! (That’s an entirely different post.)

Mr./Mrs. “Do-I-Have-to-be-Connected-to-the-Internet-to-do-that” People

(Tech people will understand the frustration level that comes over you when this happens..if this doesn’t relate to you, my apologies.)

I’m a trainer. Corporate Trainer of all things technical and job related.

Being a trainer I have to be patient, kind, caring, a good listener and basically overly approachable. For those that know me...these are not personality traits I carry around with me all day.

So imagine my patience level when training people on the pleasures of Vista (Hello, I’m a Mac.) and we are simply opening Internet Explorer and accessing a web page. When from the back of the room comes the familiar clueless voice to ask a No-Question-Is-A-Dumb-Question question like this: “What’s Internet Explorer?” or “Where’s the Start Button?” or “Where’s the ‘ANY’ key?”

*UMPH, Round House to the Head!


(Ed. Note: OH MY GOD I hate these people.)

Celine Dion

I’m sorry Heather Anne, but you knew it was coming.

*BAM, POW, BANG, UMPH and every other punching type noise you can dream up. She bugs the crap out of me!

Lose the accent for cryin’ out loud. Sing something without a string arrangement. STOP DANCING...you can’t dance. No amount flyin’ Cirque De Soleil fairies can make your show any more appealing.

*sigh. There I said it.

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