Thursday, 15 July 2010

I am an annoying asshole. Annyong.

Jennie I am all the time saying I'm an asshole and (most of the time), Joe is all, "no, you're really not," but I think that's because I'm way more of an asshole in my head than I am out loud.

We were in the car on the way home from a wedding on Sunday and I was all, "what should I write for this week's Collective?" because I like to start thinking about the topic a few days in advance. This is so I can run through the first few drafts in my head before I start writing because I'm such a lazy editor, you guys. What I post on the internet is almost always the first written draft that I maybe run through once or twice to make sure I didn't use the wrong form of you're/your or their/there/they're because yes, I still do this sometimes even though I am 28-years-old and a grammar nazi.

Joe asked the topic and when I told him it was the opposite of last week's, which he wrote for me, he asked if I wanted to write about why I am an asshole and against my better judgment, I told him he could help me. This sounds like a bad idea, I know, rife with fighty-fisticuff possibilities but I pretty much know WHY I'm an asshole so I wasn't worried about getting my feelings hurt.

Anyway, the list soon devolved into not so much "Why Jennie Is An Asshole" things but "Why Jennie Is Annoying" things. I don't even remember what the asshole things were but I remember the annoying things because, you guys, I have really annoying habits. Especially if you live with me.

I leave my shoes all over. Like everywhere. At this very moment, I have at least two pair of shoes lying in the bedroom, a pair of sandals by the side door, a pair of sandals under the kitchen table, and the shoes I wore to work are lying in the middle of the living room.

I also leave half full water glasses all over the place. This is unrelated to the shoe thing, I think, and also to aliens. QUESTION: Do I have to boycott Signs now that everyone knows, FOR SURE, that Mel Gibson is a huge twat? Because I love that movie.

According to Joe, I put the toilet paper on the roll upside down. I maintain that there IS no upside down and if he can't figure out how to use toilet paper no matter which way it's put on the roll, that's on him.

I plan EVERYTHING. I plan big things, like weddings and trips and budgets, and I plan little things, like what time I should go to Target or in what order I should go through the grocery store and if it's this exhausting to me, I can't imagine how exhausting it is for anyone who lives with me.

When I like a song or album, I play it over and over and over until I have finally heard ENOUGH. But the problem is, I have to hear the song a lot before it's ENOUGH. Which, I understand, can be annoying to some people and is why Heidi threatened to throw my CD player out the window when Wincing the Night Away came out.

So, yes, I am annoying but I am also an asshole and here is why: I saw a friend at the wedding this weekend that I haven't seen in a while and apparently haven't talked to in a while because YOU GUYS she is six months pregnant and I had no idea. BECAUSE I AM AN ASSHOLE.

14 comments:

kat said...

man, i am so glad you like signs too. i thought i was the only one!

Jennie said...

No, I LOVE that movie. So much. I have an inappropriate crush on Joaquin Phoenix.

Joe G. said...

I like Signs a lot. I also like The Village. Unbreakable is Shyamalamadingdong's best movie, though.

kat said...

agreed. unbreakable RULES.

peefer said...

No. SHE'S the asshole for getting pregnant.

(I don't really understand what I'm saying. Just go with it.)

Jennie said...

I haven't seen Unbreakable in FOREVER. I would like to see it again. Joe, that is a hint to put it in the Netflix queue.

Peefer, that's true, it's sort of assholey to make someone else feel like an asshole, which is sort of what she did so this is sort of not even my fault. Sort of.

mysterygirl! said...

Your comments are the real asshole here, because they kept saying "Service Unavailable." I don't think you sound like an asshole at all.

Which is the correct way to load toilet paper? FWIW, I choose "over."

I've never seen Unbreakable. Something else to do.

eclectic said...

Mysterygirl! is correct, "over" is the proper loading direction for T.P. It just is. I don't know why. Some things don't need a reason.

Signs is awesome, haven't seen Unbreakable, and Mel Gibson IS a twat. And what kind of friend doesn't call with news like that? Who waits for a mutual friend's wedding show people you're pregnant? I'll tell you who: an asshole, that's who.

You are one of my absolute favorites, Miss Jennie. I heart you, and your shoes, and your lists, and your song-obsessions.

Jennie said...

I think over is what Joe said. I can't say that I ever notice which way the TP is.

Ashley said...

Annyong!

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

I never pay attention to the status of toilet paper positioning. The important thing is that the toilet paper is AVAILABLE.

Although, I'd have to vote for 'over' if this was a dictatorship and I was forced to vote. ANARCHY!!!

I agree with the M. Night movie stuff, even though he seems to be on a mission to suck more and more with each successive flick. 'Lady in the Water', though it was mostly a big fat pile of 'meh', was tolerable, but the stuff since then has been pretty bad.

吳婷婷 said...

Share and share alike.............................................................

Never That Easy said...

I do not even own that many pairs of shoes, but leaving them wherever you step out of them seems normal to me.

Joe G. said...

You won't feel that way after you've tripped over them.