Wednesday, 14 July 2010

I'm An Asshole Vol. 3

Heather and Abigail are assholes because they got other people to write their posts for them this week. I’m an asshole because I am blatantly stealing their idea, only the people I asked to write my post for me all said no. Luckily for me, I am also an asshole because I have a long memory and a very spacious inbox, and so other people are going to write this post for me whether they want to or not.

So, without further ado, I’d like to present the following things my friends have said about me that prove that I am, in fact, an asshole.

“You’re an evil, ugly little troll.”

“A true friend, would have made a greater effort. I don't think I should have to run after you. So now... not only did you blame me ... but then you lied to everyone and tried to blame me and my friends for not including you. How dare you try to manipulate the situation! Talking about me behind my back is hitting an all time low!”

“At the very least, you should have had the decency to treat your friends with a little more respect.”

“Not only am I disgusted with the events of this weekend, but am fed up with the constant lies. Since we are clearing the air.... let me just say....this is not the first time that I have been treated badly by you. You are rude to me so often that I convinced myself to accept it and to turn the other cheek, but that is it. I've had enough! This is where I draw the line and will not take it any more.”

“You definitely aren't the easiest to get along with at times.”

“Trust me, there have been times I've come home crying over something you have said.”

“As for you being a social retard, I can understand that. I feel like you have difficulty being social with women, for whatever reason.”

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I am in town, but I don’t want to see you.”

“It’s probably best if you just lost all of my contact information.”

“I really can’t stand you.”

So there you have it! Irrefutable proof that I am indeed an asshole. Enjoy your day!

11 comments:

Jake said...

I just want to know how long it took to compile the list of quotes.

eclectic said...

I have no doubt that those words are in your inbox. However Counselor, for you to characterize the author(s) as "...my friends" is misleading to the tribunal and patently untrue.

Anyone who actually knows you and DOESN'T have their head firmly wedged up their ass could never utter such nonsense.

Nope... OVERRULED. Dismissed with prejudice.

Now, please get yourself to Portland already so we can hangout. It's SO overdue!!

Jennie said...

I stand behind Shari's lawyering.

Joe G. said...

Who?! Who wrote such malicious words! Tell us, so that we may find them and murderize them!

Seriously, that shit's not cool.

mysterygirl! said...

Hahahaha-- I hate that bitch. Seriously, put her at my table and see what happens.

(I think there are a couple of things in here not from the Evil E-mail, but those people are obviously just as ludicrous.)

kat said...

yeah, these were compiled from about four or five different people, and for the record, it only took about 15 minutes to compile these. they're pretty easy to find.

Ashley said...

Wow, reading that is like flashing back to high school. But I'm assuming those emails weren't written when your "friends" were 16-18 years old, which kind of makes it even worse.

peefer said...

Impressive.

me said...

Firstly-I agree with Shari.. the nomenclature of friend would lead one not to say such things...

Secondly- you deserve better than that due to you being better than that.

My opinion counts..because I read The collective :) but also, I have emails such as those in my emails as well. I'm , to some, a horrible, worthless, selfish, etc etc person.

My real friends call bullshit. So as a Collective Friend.. I call Bullshit.. (and wow, foul language from me.. gotta make it true). i'm sorry you've endured such horrible things.

sarah g

Heather Anne said...

Guess what? I think THOSE people are assholes.

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

Assuming that some of these likely came from other women, I predict that in similar situations, I'd gladly feign social retardation if it got me out of 'being social with' them.