Here's the thing, you guys. I had this whole post about the 5 Worst Words in the English Language (moist, panties, irregardless, and closing time), but then I was all, "ooh, YouTube," and got distracted AND THEN I realized that I don't give a shit about the 5 Worst Words in the English Language because HEARING those words makes me want to stab myself in the ear repeatedly and with great force and why would I want to do that to myself? That's crazy. And so I bring you . . . the 5 Worst TV Shows of My Childhood (that I still love and would watch all the time if they were still on TV but they're not, they're only on YouTube WHICH IS JUST RUDE.)
I had a really hard time doing this, not only because I watched A LOT of shitty TV as a kid, but ALSO because I wanted to include shows like Ducktales and The Wonder Years and I just couldn't because those aren't bad shows, those are AMAZING shows. These shows? These are bad shows. But I can't not love them. I just can't. I tried. You can't just not love something that you love. You just can't. Try it.
(don't try it)
1. Perfect Strangers
I really don't understand why this show isn't on anymore. I mean, there was the uptight dude and his weirdo, foreign cousin and their random blond girlfriends. Also, Carl Winslow was on this show and that's how he got his OWN crappy show on TGIF. I'm a little fuzzy on the details because I think I was like eight when this show was on, but whatever. Clearly it had an impact. How could it not?
2. Saved By the Bell
I have no words. Just . . . this:
3. Charles in Charge
The last time I remember watching this show was this time in college when I came home at like 4 and drunkenly turned on Nick at Nite to find Charles and the gang up to their old tricks. To be honest, this may be the worst show I watched as a kid, but it isn't the worst thing I've ever watched drunk. I used to come home and turn on infomercials and once I almost accidentally bought the entire Time Life Music of the 60's collection. I called the number and everything. Then they asked for my credit card number, and that sobered me up enough to hang up the phone. Um. Anyway, feast your eyes on this:
4. Captain Planet
I'm not proud of this, but once my parents took my sister and I on a cruise and I stayed in my windowless room for . . . a long time, because the cruise ship played reruns of Captain Planet on one of the four TV stations ALL. DAY. LONG. I love this show, even though the one kid's super power is Heart. If Heart was my super power, I'd be super pissed:
5. Salute Your Shorts
To be honest, I don't remember much about this show. However, I discovered that I remembered all the words to the theme song after watching this: