Lose it? I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops! Where'd my job go?"

  I don't hate much, really, Two and a Half Men, of course, and black licorice and people who talk during movies and waking up early on the weekends, you know, THE USUAL. But I've spent the last week or so sort of hating myself and it's been EXHAUSTING.

You see, last week I found out that I'm losing my job. This wasn't exactly a surprise...the state of the business coupled with the news that all of HR services were going to a call center by September (GREAT IDEA) made it pretty obvious that my job was going away at some point this year. Also, my boss told me a while ago to start job searching, so that was a pretty good indication. Heh.

That's not why I've been hating on myself, though, at least not entirely, because I was ecstatic when I was told that I was being laid off. So excited! I've been hating my job for a while but have been hanging on until I found a new job or was asked to leave nicely, because when they ask you to leave nicely, sometimes they give you presents on your way out the door.

It helped that I'd been interviewing for a position that I was sure, ABSOLUTELY SURE, I was going to get. The Universe had other ideas, though, and I did not, in fact, get that position. The Universe is a bitch sometimes. So now applying for jobs will be my full-time job, until some sucker decides to give me one. I've already been through a series of interviews for two different positions. The position mentioned above was one for which I could not have been more qualified, and there was another position at a company for which I so desperately wanted to work, even though the position wasn't all that exciting. I didn't get either, obviously.

I don't deal well with rejection. I mean, WHO DOES, really, rejection sucks. But, as far as employment goes, I'm just not used to it. I've never NOT been offered a job that I've interviewed for. Is that weird? I mean, there's a big difference between job searching now and job searching a few years ago, but, still...that seems weird.

Anyway. This all unfortunately coincided with the death of my great uncle, my grandma's brother, a mere six months after my grandma's death. I found out that he died on the same day I found out I was losing my job, but tucked it all away over the weekend so I could celebrate at a friend's wedding without being a total Debbie Downer. The funeral was on Monday and I immediately regretted not having given myself the time to grieve beforehand. Oh! And I found out that I didn't get the job I'd been counting on about an hour before the funeral, so that was fun. It was the like the perfect storm of TEARS.

So, yeah, it's been kind of a shitty week and I've been hating on myself for most of it, questioning every decision I've ever made, blah blah blah, but my main worry is that I have no idea what I want to do next. No clue. I have some vague ideas but that doesn't really help when you're staring at a job search engine, wondering what to put in the search fields. But I'm still looking and I'm ignoring the screechy voice in the back of my head that's going, "OMG JENNIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE PICK SOMETHING PICK SOMETHING PICK SOMETHING QUICK!"

I think, I think, that I'm slowly snapping out of it. I get notes from The Universe every day, and sometimes I just skim them if they're really long or I roll my eyes because it's too twee for words, but every once in a while, I'll get one that I just really needed to see. Today was one of those days because today's email said:

Psss-s-s-s-t-t, Jennie! S-h-h-h-h-h-h!

Around the bend, in the unseen, arising from the very uncertainties that may now seem to taunt you, there are some amazing surprises, awesome twists, and spellbinding coincidences about to emerge that you can't even now imagine.  

Optimism! Get some. Anyway, instead of hating on myself anymore, I think I'll just start hating on the weather because WHERE DID THE SUN GO?