Monday, 30 January 2012

I don't need to know which dracula I am to be a dracula. Nerd.


The thing I am about to do is a real cheat, but also it's the truth. This week's Collective topic is: What drives you crazy? The answer is obviously political pundits, people who loiter when they step off escalators (You're creating a people pile, morons! This thing is moving!), the way commercials are ten times louder than the show I was just watching before the commercial came on, folks who use Twitter or Facebook to act like passive-aggressive cry babies, Christians who use the Bible as a weapon without ever having read more than 20 random quotes from the Bible, Christians who use the Bible as a weapon without ever having read any other book in their whole entire lives, that on guy on the plane who always talks so loud, Ryan Murphy and his minions, YouTube commenting culture, and when anyone besides me or Amy tells my dogs what to do.

But also the answer "A Discovery of Witches." I finished it ten days ago or something and it is still making me crazy nutso batshit bonkers. I wrote about it on my Tumblr this morning to try to exorcise it from my life, but it just agitated me even more.
This is where I really lost it with “Discovery of Witches.” Page 192. I highlighted all the parts that made me want to explode in a fury supernova. For example: “We were prey and predator once more.” (Guess who is the one doing the attacking and who is the one getting attacked?) And: “With Matthew in bodyguard mode, I didn’t have much choice.” (When a man tells you do to a thing, you do that thing or he gets violent, OK? You don’t have a choice.) And: “I'm letting you go,’ he said, cutting me off. ‘But don’t bolt for the door.’” (He was just being aggressive because it’s what was best for her. He holds her against her will because he cares.)
Should I mention that the dude who's being a twat is a vampire? Does that make it more acceptable? Because if so, THAT MAKES ME CRAZY TOO.

Another thing that makes me crazy is when a person writes a thing on one blog and also posts it on ten thousand other blogs. Like I just did. But: a) I want you to know how much I HATED that book. And b) I want you to know I'm reviewing 100 books and 100 beers this year. (But mostly the hate, hate, hate of that motherfucking vampire.)


Jennie said...

I just read your tumblr and wanted to express my delight that you were drinking beer out of a Dayton Dragons cup. Raaaaaawr!

eclectic said...

And now I want to know why there aren't any professional sports teams named "Dragons", because what an awesome name for a sports team!

Also, the whole asshole vampire as attractive romantic interest theme is beyond annoying. I can't even dredge up the rage anymore because I'm so sick of it.

kat said...

Hey guys, remember when I stole that Dayton Dragons glass? We should do that again sometime.

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

There's a horrible 60s movie called Planet of the Vampires playing on June 1st at The Carolina Theater in case you want to come up, go to the movie, and scream, 'Douchebags! YOU'RE ALL DOUCHEBAGS!! STAY ON YOUR DOUCHE-Y PLANET!!', at the screen until you feel better.