Thursday, 31 July 2008

Canardies! Canardies!

Wow! It's been a festive week here at The Collective, and so appropriately our next award goes to Vahid from Iron Fist, who wins the Best Buddy Canardie for his awesome drinking and tattoo-procuring prowess at this year's TequilaCon!

Let's here it for Vahid, everyone!

the arrival

I cannot begin to tell you what it means to me to receive this award from the Collective, especially since my prize package included not only the coveted Canardie, but also a round-trip ticket to beautiful San Diego, California, where I was met by the lovely Abigail! from the Collective's West Coast Office. My day included breakfast in Old Town, where I was told that what the Collective giveth, the Collective also taketh away, so would I please hurry up and submit my speech like I had been asked nicely to do several freakin' weeks ago just like everyone else or I could forget about hanging on to my duck. Later I was taken to a remote hillside and told "you won't cross the Collective twice. Capisce?"

So. Where was I? Oh yes: I've been awarded the Best Friend Canardie, for "TequilaCon drinks/tattoo heroism", which is especially gratifying since I don't especially remember being very heroic. In fact I more or less remember the evening going like this:

Vahid: zomg! It's the Collective!

Collective: Hello!

Vahid: Wow! I'm such a big fan! It's so great to meet you!

Collective: (Who is this guy again?)

Vahid: We should have drinks!

Collective: Now you're talking!

[Everyone drinks a round of shots.]

Vahid: Also: I brought you literary-themed tattoos!

Collective: SWEET. We should celebrate this by drinking another round of tequila shots, with tequila chasers, followed by vodka tonics.

Vahid's liver: [whispering] Dude, this is such a bad idea.

Collective: Now let's play Big Buck Hunter!

Vahid: Uh...I'm not so good at this game. Maybe I'll stick to pinball.

Jenny: Yay! That was my best game of pinball ever!

Vahid: That was rough. I'll try my hand at Ms Pac-Man.

Dee-Dee: Now that I have a 90,000 point lead I'll start playing with my left hand.

Sir: Wow, that was pretty humiliating. Listen, I'll tell you what: you don't have to call me 'Sir' if you don't want. Just...stop weeping, okay?

Vahid: Thank you. *sniffles*

[Much later...]

Collective: We have been accosted by a bunch of Brits. Please come deal with them.

Vahid: British dudes, what's your story?

Brits: Give us a chance, lad. Our shiny disco shirts notwithstanding, we are clearly of such advanced age that we will probably never get a chance to speak to such beautiful young ladies again.

Vahid's liver: You know what? I QUIT.

Vahid: Ulp! Sorry, Collective. [keels over and falls into a coma]

...and that's more or less how I came to be awarded this Canardie today. It means all the more to me because, as the above speech may imply, my life is usually characterized by disappointment and under-achievement.

Thank you, Collective! Thank you!

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