I hate myself.

6. I'm that girl who shameless flirts to get free stuff. And gets it. I don't know how anyone could have shame about it--I'd do practically anything to get free stuff or discounts or feel as though I'm getting something free or discounted. I'm pretty good at it, and though it embarrasses my friends to no end, they shut up real quick when we to the front of the line, or free popcorn, or samples of not-yet-released products.

7. I'm the lazyest mofo I know, and yet, I still get everything done. If I'm not procrastinating (and really, I'm never not procrastinating), I'm cutting corners, not dotting the i, nor crossing the t, nor really ever on time. Most of the lazy manifests itself in my waiting til the last minute which usually inconveniences a host of people, weakens the end result, and makes my anxiety go through the roof. But I can't stop it because in the end everything still gets done, the majority of the population can't tell I've built sets instead of houses, and I usually get praised for my half-assed results.

8. I use a Mac. I do think it's the best machine with the best operating system, and I do preach about it. I am grating and never ceasing and a little bit judgmental. I'm unapologetic on account of I'M RIGHT. IT'S BETTER. GET ONE.

9. I will steal your story out of your mouth because I already know it, and know it better. I read A LOT of internet, so the chances of me reading something before you are pretty high, especially if you're not a Collective reader. (That's right, you guys have the edge.) A coworker will start to tell me about a "funny YouTube video" and I'll be like, "oh yeah, I saw that, did you know that it's not even real?" Dejected, they return to their offices holding together the pieces of their shattered dreams. I try to curb this auto-pilot response. No one likes their fun facts taken away from them (of all people, I know that) and yet, the asshole inside of me says it's not their fun fact if they didn't know it first.

10. I live in a place that's sunny 350 days a year and I complain when the sun doesn't come out. Last week it was so cloudy I had to turn the lights on in my office because the windows weren't providing enough light to work by. I boo hooed and grumbled on the walk to Starbucks. "I'm going to have to get a HOT drink today it's so COLD out!" "When is the sun going to come out? Today sucks. I'm bored." "It's so dreary. How are we supposed to work if it's dreary?" I wonder if I would have this same attitude if I didn't have to work every day. Maybe if I worked at home (which would never work, see #7) I could use the cloudy weather as an excuse to stay in bed, but that just further cements how awful it is. And do you hear me? It is hardly EVER cloudy here.

(The first five reasons why I'm an asshole here.)

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Today is a very special day at The Collective. Why? (M-I-C, K-E-Y, Why? Because we love you.)

Because the eldest member of our team turns THIRTY! Happy Happy to Kat!