it was like flying with THE RIDDLER

1) What is your favorite thing you've ever written?

Either this thing (see: here) or The Evil Summer. Yeah, you know what? The Evil Summer, hands down.

2) Why do you girls all read literary books, most of which were assigned reading at one point in time or another?

After college, I started to feel like I was getting dumber, because I wasn't reading difficult books all the time or trying to make connections between Moby Dick and Leaves of Grass ( . . . yeah). And since I was still drinking regularly and THEREFORE willingly making myself stupider EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND, I decided I needed to do something to make myself at least SEEM smarter and that is why I don't read chick lit. Anymore.

3) If you could be 20 again and money and family obligations were not a concern, what are five things you would want to do? If you were 60 and money and family, blah, blah, blah, what are 5 things you would want to do? What accounts for the difference between the two?

I don't want to be 20 again, really. Can I be my age? Yes? Thank you! I would:

1 - Take a year off work and do nothing but write.
2 - Take a year off work and do nothing but read.
3 - Drive across the country. Maybe even all the way to Alaska, which I hear is near Russia.
4 - Build a time machine.

5 - Get a pet penguin. Or duck. Or monkey. And a habitat for my pet whatever to live in.

I don't know what I'll want to do when I'm 60 because I don't even know what I want to do two weeks from now.

4) Another thought. In Marie Claire magazine there is a section called "what I love about me" where women share their most favorite attribute (physical and otherwise).

I love that I'm short, because it gives me something to complain about and I heart complaining about stuff. I also never take things seriously, and I used to think that was something to apologize for but now I sort of love it.

5) And my question for the oracle of the Collective is: What is the meaning of life? (Caitlin)

42. (I did not steal this from Kat!, it's just that 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything so I really CAN'T say anything else because I'm always right so there)

6) Jennie: My sort of surrogate grandmother in Dayton told me tonight that they'd just gotten their power turned back on this morning. She also informed me that she hadn't bathed since Sunday. This information was completely uncalled for and it's why I'm drinking now. So: Did you bathe while your power was out (deodorant and air fresheners don't count)?

I did shower while the power was out. Every day. And one day, twice! It turns out our water heater is not electric so we totally had hot water the whole time.

7) In addition to you all being great entertaining writers, don't you all take pictures? Please show us at least one photo you've taken that would qualify as a favorite, and tell us when you took it and why you love it.

My favorite thing ever is spelling dirty words on Scrabble. So, see:

8) Not to bring up politics again or anything but what would you do with your first 100 days in office?

Make everyone remove the giant sticks from their asses. That would probably take more than 100 days, though.

9) What song best sums up the history of your love life?

Why Bother? by Weezer. Hahaha, I kid, I kid! I'm bad at these questions. Next!

10) Who is the best-developed character in the history of literature?

She was a girl who could not wait. Life was so interesting she had to find out what happened next.

Ramona Quimby. Age 8.

I don't know.  Joe wants me to say "Spider-Man" because, and I quote, "he has been in continuous publication since 1963.  And while Superman and Batman have been around longer, neither is as developed as Spider-Man."

This in response to me telling him Spider-Man wasn't a literary character.  Whatever.  

11) What is one thing you love about each of your fellow Collective-ers?

I love that Kat! tries new things all the time. She makes me want to pick up new hobbies. Also, if I ever have a drinking or cooking question, she has the answer. Also also, when I told her I wanted to tie balloon animals to firecrackers, she totally had all the supplies IN HER APARTMENT. AND SHE MADE THE BALLOON ANIMALS. What I love most, though, is she appreciates the simple joys of duck butts and the word douchebag.

You know what I love about Heather! Anne!? The question game. When we were walking around DC, she asked about a million questions and kept saying we were probably sick to death of them, but you know what? I could have answered those questions all day long. Also, she is the best at making you feel good about yourself.

Abigail! always wants to know the details and is so good at asking questions. Not questions like Heather! Anne! asks questions (see: How much chocolate could you eat before you threw up?) but questions about your life that make you feel like you might be interesting. Which, I mean, I'm sure you are. Plus, she is always doing something fun, like going to Vegas or having a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants party. Ha! Pants party.

12) What is one thing a person can do to make you judge him/her severely?

Not brake for squirrels. Or, you know, other animals. People, though, you can totally run over. Especially kids on those stupid roller shoes. Damn kids. GET OFF MY LAWN.

13) What is your horoscope today? Is it accurate?

Romance will still be simmering in the background, getting closer to boiling point, but patience is still required; these things cannot be rushed. In the meantime there should be some good news or an interesting development that could further your career, if you can see past the initial blips!

I don't know if it's true yet, but I hope so. Because, um, my job is going to go from just plain sucks to non-existent very soon, I think.

14) Answer with the first thing that pops into your mind. You can have one wish, what is it?

I would like one of those time turner things Hermione (sidenote: when I first started reading Harry Potter, I thought you said her name like this -- Hermy-own) had, only that's probably a bad idea because I'm not very responsible and I'd probably unmake the world. So never mind. I would just like some chocolate cake instead.