Monday, 26 January 2009

I give you a simple management suggestion in a professional context, and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel.

heather Ashley wants to hear about embarrassment and failure, so this weekend I went digging around and found my old high school journals. I opened to a random page, assuming each entry would be equally mortifying. I was correct. I've redacted the names because you never know when some old classmate is going to come a-Googling.

November 30, 1994

Today was a very very very very very bad day. First of all... well not first of all but most important of all because it's the most important thing right now is basketball practice was so horrible. I have worked so hard to remember all the plays from the varsity playbook but I am still only a freshman and the only freshman on the varsity team which I think people forget and it's why they start yelling at me if I mess up one small thing. I heard them say I was coach's pet, but if that is true why is he screaming at me too???? Sometimes I think I would be better off just playing on the JV team where I could stand out and people wouldn't shout at me so much because I would be a star which is more the role I am used to. Then I got in trouble at practice for cussing, but not because coach heard me but because [Redacted] ran her big fat mouth and told him. She thinks she's the perfect little Christian because she never cusses, but I know she's probably giving [Redacted] blow jobs all the time. So who's the real Christian huh??? Like our preacher's daughter is always messing around with her boyfriend and I know because I saw them when I was babysitting her brother. Gross!!! After practice coach said maybe he was going to take some of the varsity warm-ups away and duh he was talking about me and everyone knew it. If he takes away my warm-up and makes me play JV I am going to be so humiliated. I will go to a different school I swear to God. I could never face anyone I know ever again. I wanted to call to talk to Amy about it tonight but my sister is ALWAYS on the phone with her boyfriend and mom would not make her get off even though these are real high school things I am trying to deal with and Jennifer thinks she is so great just because she is top dog still in middle school. Well good luck when you get to high school. I have been here two years so I already know!!! I am so hungry but I cannot even show my face even downstairs for dinner because if mom or dad asks me about my day I will probably start crying and tell them I am probably getting kicked of varsity and I know they will be devastated. It is all on me now. [Redacted] says I should start wearing a rubberband around my wrist so I can flick myself hard when I cuss that way I will stop. Maybe I don't want to stop. Maybe one day I will be point guard and she will be on the bench and then who will be making the rules about cussing at practice? Probably me!!!
If I had a time machine I would go back to 1994 and punch little Heather! Anne! in the mouth. Then I'd teach her how to really swear.

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