Wednesday, 4 March 2009

5 Worst Ideas for a 5 Worst List.

5 Worst Temptations on My Walk Home from Work

Which exactly none of you will care about, because you don't have Gifford's or Red Velvet or the Irish Channel or Cowgirl Creamery or Nando's where you live. Unless you live in DC, which two of you do, but STILL. I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear me whine about how I wish I could eat all the ice cream and cupcakes and cheese fries I want but then I'd get fat and society says I have to weigh 80 pounds to be worth anything at all. Wah wah.

5 Worst Logical Fallacies I Will Totally Rely Upon When It's Convenient

On a fairly regular basis I use the transitive property to prove that my football/basketball/hockey team is better than your football/basketball/hockey team because your football/basketball/hockey team lost to that one football/basketball/hockey team that my football/basketball/hockey team beat. Ergo, in a heads-up match my football/basketball/hockey team would beat your football/basketball/hockey team and so my football/basketball/hockey team is CLEARLY better than your football/basketball/hockey team. But that is just one logical fallacy I totally rely upon when it's convenient, and this is a list of five. So I went to good old Wackopedia and found this. Groan. AND SO, obviously the problem with logic is all that pesky thinking it requires, and thinking and I are not on good terms these days.

5 Worst Etsy Finds

The biggest problem is narrowing this list down to just five, because have you seen some of the crap that people have the gall to sell? U-G-L-Y these people ain't got no alibi. But then there's that other issue with me being a lawyer and such, and this being a public forum and such, and isn't there something called libel or slander or whatever it is that could maybe possibly get me sued or something? Yeah, I don't know much about the law or nothing, but that seems like a can of worms I should probably avoid opening.

5 Worst Ways to Waste Time at Work

Besides being highly alliterative, this list would be boring and obvious and likely contain such (non)gems as, "Have you guys seen this Facebook thing?" and "Man, Twitter is so funny LOL!" But the absolute worst thing about this particular Worst List is the entire fucking premise. Worst ways to waste time at work? Is there such a thing as a bad way to waste time at work? Here, I'll clear this up for you right now: the worst way to waste time at work is to ACTUALLY BE WORKING. Ahem.

5 Worst Ideas for a 5 Worst List

Yeah, I totally phoned it in with this post.

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