Five Worst Shower Games

1. Smell the diaper.

The host fills diapers with melted candy bars and the attendees smell, poke, and prod the diapers trying to solve the mystery. This is supposed to be funny because haha it looks like your smelling, poking, and prodding SHIT, but seriously, what the hell? One, not funny. Two, way to absolutely RUIN a Snickers bar. God.

2. How well does the bride know the groom?

Have the groom answer several questions in advance about their relationship (and invite him if you want to make it especially awkward). Then ask the bride the same questions. For every answer she gives that doesn't match his, she has to eat a piece of bubble gum. Now, it's kind of a fun punishment if the bride has been a bridezilla because she starts drooling and looking gross, but the part I hate is when she gets the question wrong (a lot) and is defensive. As though this dumb shower game is somehow suggesting she shouldn't get married. Defensive brides are way fun, did you know?

3. Guess the spice.

This bridal shower game doesn't make any sense to me. Someone brings some spices and then everyone smells and whoever correctly identifies the most spices get a prize. Because weddings and marriage are totally about spices. Oh wait, no they're not, it's 2009.

4. The extorting games where you take things from your guests.

I've seen this happen in several different ways: if you say "baby" at a baby shower you have to put change in a jar (for the baby's "college fund" of course!), or you ask everyone to bring a copy of their favorite kids book to start the baby's library (meanwhile your invitations have made clear you have a registry as well), or perhaps the lamest, you have guests address envelopes to themselves and use them for a door prize drawing... and for sending their thank yous later because you are so fucking lazy. I hate these games because it makes the bride or mother look like a greedy bitch. You're a whole bunch of shit, you don't need another $8 in change.

5. Advice circle.

Everyone shares a bit of "advice" with the new mother or bride. A lot of lecturing goes on, and the guests will often disagree with each other, and then, usually, it digresses into everyone telling really lame wedding- or baby-related stories. Lose lose lose.