Books are good. I like them.

Everyone's talking about Goodreads this week, and with good reason, because it's awesome. However. What you may not know is that I write the WORST reviews on Goodreads. Actually, I'm sort of the worst at Goodreads PERIOD because I only remember to update it like once every couple of months, and by that time I've forgotten all the books I've read OR I remember the books but I don't remember anything about them, only whether or not I liked them. Very rarely do I actually write anything of substance in my reviews. It's usually more like this:

Life of Pi: I resisted reading this book because everyone told me I should read it, and I HATE being told what to do. Um, it turns out I should have read it a long time ago because it was SO. GOOD.

Ines of My Soul: I love historical fiction SO MUCH and I don't know why. I knew absolutely nothing about Ines Suarez or the conquest of Chile but this book was awesome. Except sometimes the battle sequences kind of ran together. How many times can you really read that some dude got lanced in the neck or whatever? Anyway, this woman was a total badass and, at one point, decapitated some dudes. I felt a little guilty rooting for the Spaniards on account of they were totally stealing Chile but whatever, no one is perfect.

The Time-Traveler's Wife: I need to reread this. I heard they changed the ending for the movie and so I've decided not to see the movie unless it's on like TBS or something on a Sunday and I can't find the remote in which case I will watch it in between hangover naps. The end.

The Road: I read this book on vacation, which was good, otherwise I might have had to kill myself because of how depressing it was.

And then I write crap reviews for really, really good books, because I'm not smart enough to write real reviews:

The Kite Runner: This book made feel feelings a lot.

City of Thieves: I want to make out with this book.

To Kill a Mockingbird: Perfect.

Sometimes my reviews are indicative of the current state of my love life:

Beside the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept: This book was all about love and made me want to stab myself in the eye. (Review dated before Joe, obviously)

Or, you know, I just get vulgar (STANDARD):

The Devil Wears Prada: I would rather use the pages from this book as toilet paper than ever have to try and read it again.

Sideways: I did not like this book. Like, at all. Maybe because I don't have a penis, I don't know.

Tender is the Night: This book made me all wistful. Also . . . Dick Diver, hee.

Sometimes I just get straight to the point, which is totally unlike me:

Fahrenheit 451: This might be my favorite book. EVER.

A Man Without Country: I miss you, Kurt.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: I learned that I wish I lived in a goddamn chocolate factory, that's what.

TRUE. STORY.

Those are almost all of my reviews because most of the time I'm too lazy to write anything. I guess you could go see how many stars I gave the books I've read but that'd be pretty boring. Do what you want, though. It's your life, I'm not going to tell you what to do. Unless you're doing something the wrong way and then I have to tell you what to do. Sorry, it's in my DNA.