Monday, 14 September 2009

I'll sponser you to shutup about SPEW.

heather You know that scientific law (thermodynamics, maybe?) that says all things move from chaos toward order? Yeah, that law does not apply to me. It's not that I don't understand the purpose or benefits of being organized, it's just that I feel like there are better uses of my time.

And, I mean, I've always felt this way.

When I was in second grade, I walked into school one morning to find my desk lying on its side in the middle of my classroom. All the other kids -- I'm going to call them "kids" not "friends" because I didn't have any friends besides my sister until I was 12 -- were hovered around my papers and books, prodding at them with their feet like it was a crime scene.

After my Lisa Frank unicorn Trapper Keeper had been properly trampled, my teacher showed up and gave me a verbal lashing. I explained that my desk was like this when I got to school, and she said she knew, see, because she was the one who upturned it.

Yes, the fully grown woman charged with my education had, in a fit of rage, flipped my desk over -- because it was too sloppy.

"Why didn't you clean out your desk yesterday afternoon when I gave the whole class time to do it?" she demanded.

Calmly, I told her that I had been memorizing my multiplication tables, which seemed more important than sorting my crayons by color or whatever. She scoffed at me and said I would miss recess every day until I organized my desk, and I told her I didn't think that was exactly fair on account of the point of school was to learn and I had taken it upon myself to do so while my classmates still struggled their way through adding double digits.

She said fine, I could have my recess back if I would stand in front of the class and say my multiplication tables through 12s. And I did. Because I hadn't been lying. Learning seemed more important than neatly stacked papers.

And that is how I feel about cleaning, even now. I get it, I really do. But there's always something bigger I'd rather be doing.

To illustrate, I kept a log of my activities when I was supposed to be cleaning house on Saturday. All true facts:

9:00 a.m. Will start cleaning as soon as I watch SpongeBob and have my Cheerios.

9:30 a.m. Begin unloading dishwasher.

9:35 a.m. Inexplicably have too many vases to fit into vase cabinet. (Inexplicably have vase cabinet.) Maybe I should move the tupperware to the vase cabinet and the vases to the tupperware cabinet.

9:41 Whoa, bad idea.

9:45 Move everything back to original cabinet, store new vase under sink with cleaning supplies.

9:48 Consulting Google: "How much Cascade can my beagle eat before it kills her?"

9:49 Oh, we're good.

9:50 Start laundry.

9:51 a.m. P!nk's new song about evil clowns and fun houses creeping me out, but keeps repeating on Sirius XM 20 on 20. Will just put on Torchwood: Children of Earth Soundtrack to make myself feel more heroic about life in general.

9:55 Where the eff is my iPod?

10:05 Didn't find iPod, but did find missing part of Jennie's birthday present in desk. Oh, and gross -- sippy cup with apple juice under bed. Am going to blame Amy's nephew, not my own.

10:12 Found iPod. Now, where is iPod Dock?

10:15 OK, play all, except Ballad of Ianto Jones. Too sad.

10:16 Oh! Need to email sister Torchwood theory. And will just check FarmVille while online. Hmm... wheat is 90% ready. Will read GoogleReader while it finishes growing. Don't want to miss harvest. Terrible waste of coins if I lose my wheat crop.Also, must update GoodReads.

11:05 Cat is asleep on warm(ish) laundry. Too cute to move. We need light bulbs. Will just run out to Target to get some. Need lunch anyway.

2:30 Excellent deals at Barnes and Noble. Excellent lunch at Jamaican place. V. Excited about latest Detective Comics, which picked up at comic shop while out getting ... whoops, forgot light bulbs.

2:45 I have the biggest crush on Batwoman! Love the new Detective Comics! Love it!

2:46 Cat still asleep on laundry. Will maybe follow her lead and take a nap.

4:15 Excellent nap!

4:16 Need a snack.

4:30 Laundry

5:00 Daydreaming about book I finished last night, wondering what happened after the end, writing imaginary scenarios in head.

5:15 FarmVille crop harvesting time! Update FarmVille cost accounting spreadsheet. Must send to Abigail so we can team up and dominate world of farming.

5:30 Ashley thinks I should reorganize GoodReads shelves. Probs will only take a few minutes.

7:45 Also tagged all Flickr photos!

7:46 Tired of cleaning. Need a snuggle and a book.


And that, my friends, is how the cleaning gets done at my house. Because on Sunday morning when I got up, the house fairies had finished all the chores. And by house fairies, obviously, I mean Amy had folded and put away all my laundry.

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