Forget the advice I wish I'd received earlier in life; what I need is advice RIGHT FUCKING NOW. About what? ABOUT EVERYTHING. To wit:
Am I really expected to wait until TWENTY FUCKING THIRTEEN for new episodes of Downton Abbey? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? I will literally explode without more Downton Abbey. DOWNTON ABBEY.
What am I going to do if/when The Hunger Games sucks? My entire future happiness depends entirely on this movie. I'm serious. If it sucks, I will never be happy again waaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Should I give Winston a baby sister? What if he doesn't like her? What if she stresses him out and into an early grave?
(this one is for Arlene)
How do I stop showing up to work looking like a hobo?
How do I make that fancy apricot kugel everyone keeps talking about?
What should I read next?
Who's on first?
Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.