Excuse me, would you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?

It's not an issue of the curtains matching the carpet; the problem is matching the curtains to the... I don't know, valances? Because left unchecked, my eyebrows would rival Eugene Levy's for Supreme Overlordship over Planet Eyebrownia. My eyebrows, they are like giant face caterpillars perched above my eyeballs. What I'm trying to say is that my eyebrows are conspicuous. And since I'm not pretty enough for this:



I end up looking like this:



So no, I cannot pull off another hair color.