Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Damned near impossible to see.

One of the biggest problems with posting third is that sometimes, like the best seat in the movie theatre or the last fudgsicle in the freezer, all the best answers are already taken. This is one of those times. So even though it feels like I'm phoning it in a bit, I'm gonna go out on a limb and proclaim to the world (or at least the internets portion of the world) that if I could live inside one book it would be the book(s) of Harry Potter. And if I had to pick just one of the book(s) of Harry Potter I would pick and the Prisoner of Azkaban because I LOVE REMUS LUPIN. There. I said it.

Now I know there is some debate as to which house (into which) I would be sorted (into)*, but make no mistake about it, if I were a witch I'd be Slytherin. You may think differently because the internet is kind and good and thinks the best of everybody, but I know my own heart and I am as selfish as the day is long, I am as spiteful as the night is dark, and I hate people more than anything on God's increasingly brown and disgusting Earth. I am Slytherin, but I am no supporter of Voldemort.


There. I said it.

Listen, the fact of the matter is that were I to live in the book(s) of Harry Potter, chances are very likely I'd be no witch at all. I am muggle material through and through, or more likely squib, relegated to the ranks of the overlooked, the unwanted, always looking in at what I so desperately want but will never ever have. And it sucks. But it's my lot in life; it's not a lot, but it's life.**

Some other things that suck:
  • Quills. If wizards would just use a goddamned pen like everyone else, ink wouldn't be running all over everybody's junk all the time.
  • Lumos. The tip of one's wand never seems to light up more than a tiny circle around one's feet. You want to see in the dark? Use a flashlight.
  • Platform 9 3/4. The wall is halfway between platforms 9 and 10. Whence the 3/4?
And some other stuff. But my head is full of goo and I have the sinus headache from hell so I'm going to stop writing now.

*Help me, Sister Bernadette!
**What the hell is this from?

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