Thursday, 21 January 2010

You are being a cheer-tator, Torrance, and a pain in my ass!

Jennie I will be the first to admit that I am something of a movie snob. I almost wrote movie slob, right there. What's that about? Anyway, right, movie snob. When I say movie snob, I don't mean I watch all indie films or only movies with weird directors that no one else has ever heard of, I mean that if you tell me you want to go see the new Alvin & the Chipmunks movie, I will judge you. I will judge you so hard. One of my favorite things to do is rate movies based only on their trailers. It's easier than you'd think. This method has gotten me out of going to movies like Bride Wars, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and any Dane Cook movie for years.

I realize this trailer judging is a bit like judging a book by its cover, but I don't care if it's superficial. Movies are more superficial than books anyway, so see? It makes total sense, this method, as long as you don't think about it too hard.

I really have no point, other than to say that even though I'm a movie snob, I have plenty of guilty pleasure movies. Bad movies. Except, no, they're not, THESE MOVIES ARE AWESOME. Also, I don't really think they count as guilty pleasures because I'm rather proud of loving all of them so much. So there.

1. Bring It On

This movie gave me about a million different quotes to throw into regular conversation, WHETHER OR NOT they made any sense, so that would be enough for me to love it BUT. BUT! Sparky Polastri! Faith pretending to be a cheerleader! GLORY pretending to be a cheerleader! Cute guitar-playing book-reading boy! Spirit fingers!

Apparently, there are no clips on the Youtubes because NBC Universal sucks a big fat turd. Team CoCo! Anyway. You should probably rent this movie ASAP. Not the sequels, though.

2. Ferngully

James Cameron may have lifted the script for Avatar straight out of Pocahontas, but I think he sampled Ferngully as well. My sister and I wore out our VHS copy of this when we were younger, and so when Joe saw it on sale for $5 at Target, he totally bought it for me and that is why Joe is awesome.

Watch for yourself.

3. Center Stage

I hesitate to even include this movie on account of how amazing it is, but whatever, I will admit that the "acting" in this movie leaves a lot to be desired. I don't care. Mostly because of the dancing, but partly because of Peter Gallagher's amazing emoting eyebrows. Bonus! Zoe Saldana is in it and she. Is. SASSY.

4. Pippi Longstocking

This movie is twelve shades of awful, yet I love it. LOVE IT. Probably because I watched this approximately 15 bajillion times when I was a kid and wished every day to be Pippi Longstocking because she had a horse and a monkey and a quirky fashion sense and I didn't have any of those things.

Damn disabled embedding ARRRRRRRG!

5. Grease 2 (much, MUCH cheesier than Grease...which is in and of itself a guilty pleasure)

Shut up.

That was just embarrassing.

6. The Mighty Ducks (1 and 2)


7. The Cutting Edge

Just kidding, everyone knows this is the best movie ever made. Dooglas Dorsey! John Locke!

I got chills.

(they're multiplyin')


kat said...

i have only ever seen the last two. most recently two weeks ago. :)

Jennie said...

I think you'd like Ferngully. I mean, it's TERRIBLE, but it will make you want to hug a tree.

Kiti said...

I may or may not have seen three of the "Bring It On" movies. All together on a Saturday. While pregnant and eating lots of chocolate. Courtesy of whatever cable channel was running a cheer-a-thon that weekend. They are all guilty pleasure classics (I used to dance, so I actually love watching the cheer routines) but the original "Bring It On" is ace. I loved seeing Glory face off with Faith, too.

Kiti said...

Also, I saw "Ferngully" in the early 1990s, and it made me want to stab my eyes with a fork. Eco-message aside, the writing was SO BAD.

Jennie said...

I've never seen any of the other Bring it On movies. I'm kind of scared. And, yes, the writing in Ferngully is AWFUL. I was reminded of that when I went searching for clips. Yikes.

Heather Anne said...

This list is so good I don't even know what movie to start quoting!

OK, that's a lie, yes I do.

I'm the best goddamn dancer at the American Ballet Academy; who the hell are you? Nobody!

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

A movie about figure skating? Or is it ice dancing? Figure dancing on ice? With emotions and 80s music?

I feel like I have to wash out my eyes AND my ears now.

Joe G. said...

Why did I watch the Grease 2 video? Because the song is called "We're gonna score tonight," and I had to see if it was as dirty for real as it is in my head. And it turns out, it's just a bunch of people flaunting the rules and regulations of bowling. Disgraceful. Also, painful to watch.

Abigail said...


this is truly the best thing I have ever read on a weblog.

Jennie said...

h!a! What, did you go to a special bitch academy or something?

Sir, um, it's awesome. Trust me. Heh.

Joe, I'm not sure why you watched it. Did you not hear me describing the movie to you? IT'S SO BAD.

Abs, the Mighty Ducks movies make me cry TRUE STORY.

Ashley said...

I cry when Zoe Saldana dances at the end of Center Stage.

Why no Mighty Ducks 3 love? I <3 that movie.

I saw Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel in the theaters. I rented the first on one Netflix. I dare you to judge me.

Jennie said...

I don't think I've ever seen The Mighty Ducks 3. Is that the one where they go to some new school or something? I can't remember.

sarah g said...

Ashley..not only are you being judged..but it appears scorned and ignored by Jennie!
(I won't judge.. I really loved the Chipmunks! Which means I want to see the movie)

Jennie said...

I don't really judge, I'm just joshin'. BUT. I loooooved The Chipmunks when I was a kid. LOVED THEM. I had a talking Theodore stuffed animal that I took everywhere, including to the dentist when I had to get teeth pulled when I was 6. We were total BFFs. Which is why I don't want to see the new movies because I have such fond childhood memories of The Chipmunks that I don't want them to get pooped on.

/end rant.

I also had an Alvin doll who was dressed like a superhero. I don't know why Simon got left out. Poor Simon.

Joe G. said...

Simon was a total Melvin.

S said...

I hate being at the office and not being able to watch YouTube. With that said, by far the best song from Grease 2 is "He's a Coo-oo-oo-ool Rider! He's a Coo-oo-oo-ool Rider!" I can actually picture Michelle Pfeiffer dancing to that in my head right now.

I like that I apparently have the same taste in crappy guilty pleasure movies as you do.

Cate said...

you have no idea how incredibly scary I though that Pippi Longstocking movie was as a kid. I had nightmares. I have no idea why I thought it was scary and I will never find out because I will never allow myself to watch it again. Ever.

Lindsay said...


Also, I agree completely with Abigail.

Ashley, you have Chipmunk issues.

eclectic said...

Sir's comment made me think of a crappy movie I saw once called "Ice Castles" or something like that. Ugh. I've repressed the memory, it was so awful. Actually, maybe I dreamed it, b/c I'm sure it's too awful to actually have been a real movie. Can't remember for sure. Wait, what are we talking about?

mysterygirl! said...

The final performance of Center Stage is THE SHIT. How, in the span of mere seconds, does the main character get a costume change AND a headful of cornrows? And even though I know it's coming, I almost pee myself every time when he rides that motorcycle onto the stage, and then they oddly roll on the prop bed. EDGY!