Here's the thing -- and I know a bunch of you are going to want to punch me in the face for saying this -- but I don't really like candy all that much. I KNOW. I mean, if it's THERE, I'll eat it, of course. I like lots of different kinds of candies but I don't really crave it ever. If I'm craving something sweet, it's ice cream (or cookies!), but more likely I'm craving something like chips and salsa or potato chips or nachos or a soft pretzel or ANYTHING SALTY, really. Mmm, salt, is what I'm saying.
This is not to say I don't eat my fair share of candy, especially when passing it out at Halloween. What else are you supposed to do between doorbell rings? And if I go to the movies and get a 123 GoBox OF COURSE I'll eat the candy included. I always pick Peanut M&Ms. Always always.
OBVIOUSLY the Best! Candy! Ever! could only exist in fiction. I'm not talking about Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls, because EW or even Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans because I really think the threat of eating a vomit-flavored jelly bean really takes away from any enjoyment you may get from such wondrous flavors as Pina Colada and Bacon (mmm, bacon). Actually, most of the flavors on this list sound absolutely vile.
No, if I were to pick the best candy EVER, fictional or otherwise, I'd have no choice but to go with Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopper. The Everlasting Gobstopper is both fictional AND otherwise, but I think we can all agree that the fictional version would be SO much better than the real-life version. It would have to be. It's everlasting. IT'S CANDY THAT NEVER ENDS, YOU GUYS. YUMMY CANDY ALL THE TIME GIVE ME SOME NOW OR I WILL CUT YOU. If there were any candy I would ever crave, the Everlasting Gobstopper is it. So get on it, Willy Wonkas of the world. You are the music makers. You are the dreamers of dreams. Now dream me up some neverending candy.