Dear broccoli, if you touch my mashed potatoes again, I will kill you so hard. Love, Jennie

I'm with Kat on the whole making a list thing but when I started listing neuroses, I realized I don't really NEED to tell them you about all of them, for you see, you could just go HERE (see also: this) and read all about them yourself. Don't be lazy.

I decided to focus just on food. Because, food neuroses, I have them. I blame my father, who cannot eat a sandwich if he puts the ingredients on it in the wrong order. I have not picked up this affliction (yet), but I'm well on my way.

I am so particular about food, that I have had some version of the following conversation with quite a few people:

Me: Ugh, my food is touching.
Them: So?
Me: MY FOOD IS TOUCHING.
Them: . . . OK.
Me: I can't stand it when my food touches.
Them: What about mashed potatoes and gravy?
Me: Shut up, that obviously doesn't count.
Them: . . . OK.
Me: Sometimes if my food touches, I can't eat it. Like, one time, my cookie got mustard on it and I couldn't eat it.
Them: . . . OK.
Me: And when I eat chips? I have to eat the broken ones first. Same thing with pretzels. And, french fries? I eat the mushiest fries first, then the smallest fries, then the big fries.
Them: . . . OK.
Me: And I have to eat my lunch in the same order every day.
Them: . . . OK.
Me: Because I have to eat the food in the order I like it. The other night, I was having green beans, mashed potatoes, and chicken and I had to eat it in this order: green beans, chicken, mashed potatoes.
Them: . . . OK.
Me: And when I make a sandwich, I have to cut it in unequal halves because I have to eat the smaller half first.
Them: . . . um.
Me: And when I eat the sandwich, I eat the crusts first because I want the last bite to be from the middle part of the sandwich because that's the best part of the sandwich.
Them: Just . . . WOW.

Sometimes I stop before the sandwich thing, though. Because the reaction I get is always JUST LIKE the above, only there's also a YIKES face attached and I can only handle so many YIKES faces in any given day. I get this face a lot, is what I'm saying.