You know what they say: keep your friends close.

I no longer have an arch-nemesis. I used to, though. Her name was Rush Limbaugh Girl. RLG, for short. She's one of my former co-workers. On my first day at my old job, I was in RLG's office because she was in charge of training me. She had her radio on and I was all, "omg wtf?" because you know what she was listening to? Rush Limbaugh. Rush Fucking Limbaugh.

RLG: Can you concentrate with the radio on?
Me: ...um.
RLG: I can turn it down.
Me: How about off?
RLG: Haha, I just think Rush Limbaugh is so funny.

And then my head exploded. In fact, my head exploded nearly every day because EVERY AFTERNOON, I'd hear his blustery, stupid voice because EVERY AFTERNOON she'd turn her radio up louder and louder and so EVERY AFTERNOON, I had no choice but to wait and sneak into her office and turn down the radio. I had to be careful, though. I had to turn it down enough so I couldn't hear it, but not enough that she'd notice and turn it back up again.

The REASON she had to turn the radio up so loud was because she'd run her space heater constantly. Which is fine, sometimes it got really cold in there. But then, one day, I went over to ask her a question and she had her fan on, too.

Me: Do you have your fan and your heater on?
RLG: Yeah, it's really clammy in here.
Me: ...

I think she was OK with running the fan and the heater at the same time because she didn't believe in global warming. Just didn't believe in it.

Toward the end, she began an obsession with Twilight. And would talk about it a lot, so when I wasn't listening to Rush Limbaugh call liberals "pinko commie baby killers," I was listening to her wax poetic about how hot Edward Whatsisface was in the movie. But, you know, then she got fired and I quit so who says there are no happy endings?