Similarly to Heather, there are a lot things that I find pleasurable that people try to make me feel guilty about. Things like sleeping a lot and not showering very often and watching TV all the time. Oh. And the FarmVille forums. That's just who I am. But there are a few things I have a hard time admitting.
1) McDonald's Chicken McNuggets I eat a lot of normal food and hardly anything really bad. My go to "fast food" restaurants are Chick-fil-A and Chipotle. I stay away from bad stuff cause it makes my tummy hurt. Vegetables are like my favorite food. So having McDonald's for dinner feels so wrong. I feel like Spurlock is watching me. And yet, it just tastes soooo goooood. Ten piece nuggets with Diet Coke and sweet and sour sauce. Now that is delicious food.
2) Following celebrities on Twitter I feel so ashamed at my obsession with reading this stuff. But it's so fun.
3) My reading habits I read A LOT of words every day. They just happen to be in the internet and not on tree-killing paper. I feel defensive about this because my book-reading habits are laaaame. The last book I read was only a week ago (shockingly) but it was a Nora Roberts book. And I liked it. I actually loved it. I would read it again.
It's guilty pleasures week here at the Collective, but before I start weaving a yarn about all the things I should feel guilty about (but don't), let me remedy last week's cop-out by answering the "would you rather" questions Abigail posed to me. (It's two posts for the price of one!)
Would you rather...
Live in England or live in Chestnut Mountain? Someday I am going to write a story about how the exact opposite of being an Englishwoman is being Southerner, but the truth is I would rather live neither place. Oh, sure, I'd love to have a flat in London and a farmhouse in Wales because I really do love Britain. But, culturally-speaking, I could never fit in in the UK. Same as Chestnut Mountain, GA actually. I live here because I love my family. And I'd miss them in Seattle.
Shred your library card or mark all as read in Reader? Easy: mark all as read. I used to have this total moral quandary about it (what if I overlook the one piece of information I've never known I always needed?!) but now I do it all the time. It's like Shift + A is its own New Year! Plus, my Google Reader Share Team is the best in the business.
Have Sarah Walker or Veronica Mars? I would like to have Sarah Walker at my flat in London and Veronica Mars at my Welsh Farmhouse. For keeps.
Mountain bike or dog walk? Dog walk.
Amy was ragging on me recently about something and I said, "Stop it, or I am going to have to throw myself out of the window!" And she was all, "You would never throw yourself out of a window; you love these dogs too much." Which: absolutely true.
Eat only candy or burritos? Burritos forever times infinity!
Buy babies or puppies? Look, I didn't even love my own nephew until he was a toddler. Babies weird me out. Answer: puppies!
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Now! Let's talk about guilty pleasures! I don't have any. I mean, I guess I have guilty pleasures, but I don't feel particularly guilty about any of them. Basically, I just have pleasures. Here's a list of pleasures that people sometimes try to make me feel guilty about.
1) Gossip Girl — A couple of months ago, Amy hammered her ankle something fierce and we had to go to the ER and it's still not entirely better, and sometimes she's like, "When did I do this?" And I'm all, "Seven weeks, four days ago." And I think she thinks I'm just really good at mental math or totally over-concerned about her foot. But really I just remember because she did it the night of the GG threesome.
2) FanVids — Dudes, I'm a shipper. I've always been a shipper. Like, when I was a kid: Bo and Hope from Days of Our Lives. Teenager: Lois and Clark, Ross and Rachel, Dawson and Joey. Grown-up: Bette and Tina, Booth and Brennan, Josh and Donna, Ron and Hermione, Chuck and Sarah.
Oh, you guys! Chuck and Sarah!
3) FanFic — I write it. I read it. I have my favorites saved in Google Docs so they'll never, ever go away. (That happened to me once. My favorite fan fics went away. NEVER AGAIN!)
4) TV, I just love it — I'm totally friends with intellectual snobs who have conversations like, "I don't watch much TV." "Oh, I don't watch any TV." "Well, I don't even own a TV." "Yeah, well, I've never even heard of a TV."
But I love TV. Just like me Granny loved TV. No running through the house like a band of hooligans! Granny is trying to watch her stories! 5) Comic Books — Yeah, I know, I'm 31. But I'm going to keep my subscriptions at the comic shop until comic shops are dead and gone. (Which, Batman willing, will not happen in my lifetime.)
6) QVC — I don't buy stuff off of QVC, but I am fascinated by it. It's the people who are selling stuff, and how they can just talk and talk and talk about it like it's the most interesting thing in the world. It mesmerizes me.
OK, so sometimes I do buy stuff on QVC. But only important stuff, like a Wii Fit. Or an EverRest ComfyPillow. Or an absolutely necessary set of 45 spatulas.
1. Travel to the past or the future in your clear-titanium-covered time machine?
Here's the thing. It seems so silly to get the time machine with the bonus clear-titanium cover and NOT go see some dinosaurs. I mean, you've GOT the titanium cover, which I'm pretty sure a T-Rex couldn't bite through, and it's clear, so you can see everything just fine from the safety of your time machine. But. You know I'm not going to be able to go all the way back in time, see some baby dinosaurs, and NOT get out and try and make friends with them. I watched The Land Before Time ONE TOO MANY TIMES as a kid, and the damage is done. I can only assume that I'd see a brontosaurus, get out of the time machine, and be eaten by a velociraptor before I could say, "longneck."
I think it's safer for everyone, including the dinosaurs, that I go to the future, steal a hoverboard, and give it to Heather Anne.
2. Own a baby dragon or a baby dinosaur (assuming they would stay small and friendly)?
See above: baby dinosaur (preferably a brontosaurus)
3. Drink PBR or wine from a box?
I think wine from a box is totally underrated. My friend had just beer and wine in a box at her wedding reception and everyone was so excited to be drinking wine in a box that we could BARELY CONTAIN OURSELVES. This might have something to do with memories of playing a game in college that we called "Slap the Bag," which consisted of taking the bag of wine OUT of the box, having someone hold it above your head and opening the spigot so wine poured quickly into your guppy-like mouth while someone else, you know, slapped the bag.
However, I think if I tried to play this game now, I would die, so PBR.
4. Make out with Jim Halpert or Mr. Darcy?
RIP OUT MY HEART, WHY DON'T YOU? I would use my time machine to go back in time and make out with Mr. Darcy and then use it again to go back to the future (BAM!) and make out with Jim Halpert and what do you mean both are fictional YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW.
5. Play the guitar or drums on Rock Band?
If you'd asked me this a few months ago, I would have said guitar, because I was afraid of the drums. But when Joe got Beatles Rock Band, I decided to embrace my inner Ringo and now the drums are my favorite.
6. Fight Draco Malfoy or Sue Sylvester?
I know Draco Malfoy has magic and all, but he's kind of a scaredy-cat-nancy-boy. Sue Sylvester is straight up EVIL, you guys. She would crush me like a bug. Plus, if I fight Draco, I at least get a wand, right? To make it a fair fight? Win win win.
Thanks to the magic of Blogger, today's post is being posted even though its writer is currently stranded in the middle of the ocean with no telephone and no internet and nowhere to go except the stupid boat she's on. Enjoy.
Travel to Britain or Belgium?
Don't make me choose! There is so much of Britain left unexplored, and so many Belgian beers left to drink, but as I am currently planning a trip to Brussels and Bruges (and Amsterdam) for early summer, I guess that answers that question.
Prepare appetizers or desserts?
My two favorite meals are appetizers and desserts. And I do both rather spectacularly, I might add. But appetizers are far more forgiving, and being forgiving allows for more experimentation, so appetizers it is!
Be forced to root for the Rangers or the Lightning?
I've got no beef with the Tampa Bay Lightning, even if they are in our division. See, (as of this writing) we've got a 16-point lead on our next closest divisional rival, because we RULE. And I really don't hate the Rangers at all, though I DO hate Sean Avery, so I guess the Lightning?
Read Austen or Dickens?
Dickens! If for no other reason than I'll never run out of new things to read.
Watch Futurama or Glee?
Easy: Futurama. I watch Glee, but I don't love it. In fact, of all the admittedly few television programs I do watch, Glee is by far the worst of the bunch.
Shag Brooks Laich or Chuck Klosterman?
Well, Brooks Laich has about a billion social diseases, and aside from that I'd be mortified if someone labeled me a puck bunny for shagging him. And Chuck Klosterman is a married man, and married men are bad news. So neither.
I asked everyone to go easy on me on account of I simply CANNOT make these kinds of choices. Even now, when I never hesitated when choosing, I feel the need to defend my answer, to reason it out, to pile caveat upon caveat onto my decision.
Talk on the phone or Google Chat? Chat. For one, the recipient doesn't care if I don't respond right away because my boss just walked in or because I'm busy reading a Gossip Girl recap. For two, I am a better communicator with typey typey than anything else.
Marry Zac Levi or not marry Zac Levi? Ha! I can't think of a single "marry, do, or die" scenario in which I wouldn't pick to marry Zac Levi. In fact, I can't imagine any scenario in which I wouldn't choose that. He's made me into the marrying type.
Shop for free forever at IKEA or Trader Joe's? Trader Joe's. Cause of the booze.
Get on The Amazing Race or Survivor? TAR, hands down. And I will get on it. Just you wait.
Watch TV when it airs or when it's on DVD? When it airs because then I get to be a part of the community. I get to read the twits and the recaps and worry about next week. DVD is a close second though. Hour after hour of Bones or Mars? Best way to spend a day.
See fan vids for Booth and Brennan or Chuck and Sarah? Two words: Brave. Face.
Similarly to Heather, there are a lot things that I find pleasurable that people try to make me feel guilty about. Things like sleeping a lot and not showering very often and watching TV all the time. Oh. And the FarmVille forums. That's just who I am. But there are a few things I have a hard time admitting.
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