Wednesday, 4 June 2008

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. . . .

Because I ain't going to the future. I'm a-scared of robots.

I think my hatred for robots stems from the psychological trauma I suffered in my childhood at the hands of the creepiest movie ever made. I wasn't more than four years old when I first saw The Electric Grandmother, but I still vividly remember my horror as milk and orange juice shot out of the tips of the robot-granny's shriveled little fake human fingers. Gross, dude.

But as hard to believe as it is, I am no longer four-years-old. Yet, over the years, this mingled fear and repulsion has only been reinforced. Let's look at the evidence, shall we?

2001: A Space Odyssey, Star Wars, Alien, The Terminator, I, Robot, Transformers, (presumably) Iron Man, and all of their big-screen permutations each feature one thing: killer robots.

Let me reiterate that, people--KILLER ROBOTS. KILLER ROBOTS!

I can barely open a bottle of vodka without whining at my boyfriend for help; there is no effing way I'm surviving a Kat! vs. Droid Battle Royale.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Awww, Kat - but what about the i-Dog? It may not be cuddly, but it sure is cute!" My only response to you is that killer robots have to start somewhere, and my guess is that the i-Dog is about two generations from ripping your throat out in your sleep. Seriously, I don't even trust my iPod. Have you seen the stats that thing keeps on you? Creeeeeeeeepy.

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