Phone it in Friday: Survey Says

Have you learned more than you ever wanted to know about The Collective this week? Guess what? Your turn!

You have two options for Phone it in Friday. You may take one or both, but you can't take neither. If you break the chain, a plague on both your houses! Or just your one house! Or your apartment! Or your flat!

a) Ask us anything you want in the comments and we'll answer. (You can direct your question to one person specifically or all of The Collective in general.)

b) Say: "Gimme some question!" in the comments and we'll post five interview questions for you. You can answer in our comments or post the answers on your own blog.

Ready... set... someone get me some coffee.

I can't believe I forgot to ask something about Spongebob

You guys should know that Heather! Anne! is like the Queen of Questions. And so I was very intimidated when it came time to interview her, because what if she thought my questions were stupid and refused to answer them? Then! I realized that she'd never do that, because Heather! Anne! is ALSO the Queen of Being a Good Person. And (girl) you know it's true, because I am the Queen of Being a Terrible Liar.

1. Sometimes when people call me Jennifer Lynn, I think I'm in trouble. Do you ever feel that way when people call you Heather Anne?

When people call me Heather Anne I just feel lucky they’re not calling me regular Heather, because: a) Regular Heather means “shrub.” And b) regular Heather is the name of one out of every three women in the world.

2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Batgirl.

3. Say I gave you a time machine with a (clear) titanium bubble around it. Where would you go first?

After checking to make absolutely certain that it was surrounded by said (clear) titanium bubble, I’d go to Bath in December of ’05, and make sure Past Heather got to the Jane Austen House before it closed. Then I’d kick Past Heather in a ditch and take the trip with Past Sister. Because it was two of the best weeks of my life.

4. Would you try to change something in the past so it might affect the future? (please say 2000 election)

No, but I would buy a sports almanac in the future so I could make some bets when I got back to the present. That probably wouldn’t change anything though.

5. Remember when everyone thought Al Gore was just this uptight dude who loved his lock box?

Sarah Vowell’s Partly Cloudy Patriot is a great book of essays on politics and life and America. She has this mad crush on Al Gore and says one of the funniest things about him in the chapter called The Nerd Voice: “Earth in the Balance features countless hints that Gore’s life is an ongoing study hall. ‘Beginning in January 1981, I spent many hours each week for more than thirteen months intensively studying the nuclear arms race,’ he says. January 1981—I bet it was his New Year’s Resolution. Every other member of Congress was vowing to cut back on hookers, but then-Senator Gore probably French kissed Tipper at midnight and made a mental pledge to really get a handle on those ICBMs.”

Vowell thinks Gore didn’t get elected because he’s a nerd. I think he actually did get elected.

6. Kat's like the greatest cook ever, right? What was your favorite thing she made on Thanksgiving?

Remember how Kat planned that menu for weeks and weeks, making sure everyone’s favorite Thanksgiving things were on the list? Turkey and mashed potatoes and two kinds of gravy and stuffing and green bean casserole and rolls and PIE! That was the best meal in the history of meals.

7. You and Abigail went on a midnight (or later) tour of DC during the Thanksgiving miracle. What was your favorite stop on the tour?

We made a video. I have to find it.

8. How awesome is it that Abigail wanted to go on a tour of DC at midnight (or later)? She's so fun.

Abigail wanting to tour D.C. at 2:00 a.m. is so standard Abigail. Here is a true story: when people are around The Schilbot, they become the very best versions of themselves.

9. That wasn't really a question. Sorry.

Sorry. Heh.

10. What would you have changed about the final Harry Potter book?

Lupin and Tonks would have lived. But how badass was Molly Weasley in that book? “NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!” You tell ‘em, Mollwobbles!

11. In the near future, Science will figure out a way to clone dinosaurs (note: it is not from extracting their blood from fossilized mosquitoes) and THAT'S NOT ALL. When they clone the dinosaurs, they can clone them in pet size. My question is, what kind of dinosaur would you get as a pet? Also, what would you name him/her?

I am scared of dinosaurs, which: not surprising. I wouldn’t have one as a pet. Amy recently told me chicken embryos are basically dinosaurs. She saw it on Discovery. Weird, huh?

12. So, you're the nicest person in the whole entire world. What's that like?

Remember on Buffy how Angel was real great because in his old life he ate up a bunch of souls? Same kind of thing.

13. Women seem to really dig this Mr. Darcy character. Why do you think that is?

Something about wet shirts and thunderstorms.

14. Fact: You love Jane Austen. Question: If you guys were neighbors back in jolly old England, would you have snuck into her house every day to read what she was writing?

Fact: Totally. I’d read it and be all, “For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?” And then I’d be like, “Wait, is she mocking me?”

Question: That is your favorite Austen quote, is it not, Jennifer Lynn? [editor's note: indeed it is]

15. Jo is really the best out of all the Little Women, right?

Yes. And when I rewrote the ending, she married Laurie. And Beth lived. (Louisa May, no worries. I was happy to fix your mistakes.)

16. How come you're so scared of bears? Panda bears are cute, right? Especially baby ones?

Bears eat beets. Bears beets Battlestar Galactica. Bears will rip you to smithereens and devour your brain. (But yes, please, I would like to order one (1) panda bear cub.)

17. What is the best thing about the Internets?
Wackopedia.

18. What's the worst thing?

The person who wrote the Gossip Girl book summaries on Wackopedia.

19. Do you think there'll ever be a time when a boy can swim as fast as a shark?

Viktor Krum can swim as fast as a shark, but even so, he is no Ron Weasley.

20. Did you know I stole that question from The Office (British version)?

Sometimes thievery is necessary. (See: Jean Valjean of Les Miserbles and Aladdin of Aladdin.)

21. What's your idea of a perfect day?

Cartoons and a good book and a good movie and a hug. Or two hugs. And double—no, triple pancakes!

22. What do you think really happened to the lost city of Atlantis?

If by Atlantis you mean the universal remote that controls my DVD player, television, and stereo, I have no idea. It may be trapped in the nether regions of my couch.

23. Books or food?

You can’t read food, but books are made out of paper, which comes from trees, which is a plant, as are fruits, such as watermelons. So…books are readable and edible. I choose books.

24. Moe's or Chipotle?

Moe’s!

25. Pancakes or cookies?

Pancakes! (In the equation Pancakes vs. Any Other Food, I always choose pancakes.)

26. When was your last good swoon?

When I watched those YouTube clips of Mr. Darcy.

27. Remember when we were in like elementary school? And we were told that one day we'd be able to live on the moon? When is this happening?

I went to elementary school in rural Georgia in the 80s. I learned that the cash crop of my state is peanuts, that peanuts are also called goobers, and that a chicken can flop around for up to ten minutes after you break its neck.

28. Who is your favorite Friend? ALSO, which Friend are you most like? ALSO, do you find Ross annoying or endearing?

Ross is my favorite. I am most like Ross. I find Ross endearing. PIVOT!

29. What inspires you to write? (Besides the fact that you're awesome at it and stuff)

“Why do you write tonight, Heather Anne?” Amy often asks.

“The same reason I write every night,” I always say. “To try and take over the WORLD!”

Also, I can’t not write. I have tried. It’s the weirdest compulsion.

30. What is your favorite basketball related memory?

One night—when I was a senior in high school—I was supposed to score my 1,000th career point against the East Hall Vikings. It was kind of a big deal; only one girl in my high school had done it before me. The game was packed out and there were lots of reporters there and college scouts and the plaque was already prepared and they were going to stop the game when I scored my 1,000th point and give me the ball and I was going to take it up in the stands and give it to my parents. But, well, I choked. Near the end of the fourth quarter it was obvious that I wasn’t going to score enough to reach 1,000. I had never felt so defeated, like such a failure, in my whole life. I was a hamster’s breath away from absolutely falling apart on the court. And then I looked up into the stands. My dad caught my eye. He smiled. Then he did the craziest thing: he stood up and started clapping. I failed, and hard. But he didn’t care. My dad just stood there in that sea of sitting people and clapped and clapped and clapped, like 990 points was the most impressive thing he’d ever heard of, like he loved me no matter what, like a fool.

31. What was your favorite toy when you were a kid? Do you still have it?

Legos were my favorite toys. And oh, yes, I still have them. Like six humongous bathtub-size bins full of them.

32. The Sex & the City Movie: good or bad idea?

As long as Aidan Frikkin Shaw doesn’t show up on my screen, good idea. (Have you seen the trailer? Jennifer Hudson looks so great!)

33. What's your favorite John Mayer song?

Back to You from the Inside Wants Out album. NOT the Room for Squares album.

34. Aren't you glad he's not dating Jessica Simpson anymore?

Seriously, somebody please tell me what that was about. Oh, right: boobies.

35. How much chocolate do you think you could eat before you threw up? Hee.

What a stupid question! What kind of person asks a question like that! (Hee.) Seriously, though, six pounds.

36. Who was the first fictional person you fell in love with?

Doug Dorsey from The Cutting Edge. (“Somewhere in the middle of this I fell in love with you. I’m saying I love you. I’m saying it out loud. Don’t say we’re not right for each other because the way I see it we might not be right for anybody else. I need you. I need you.”)

37. Who was the last?

The little mouse from The Tale of Desperaux, which I just reread for about the dozenth time. (“I honor you. I honor you.”)

38. What's your favorite thing about coaching?

My basketball team is as un-athletic as a gaggle of one-legged geese, but when they’re at practice and at games, they never, ever think about how hard it is to be twelve years old—about boyfriends and bra size and who’s invited to what party and how they don’t have the right clothes, because for 90 solid minutes I tell them how great they are. That is my favorite thing about coaching: loving kids so they can love themselves.

39. What's your favorite movie quote?

“Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!” – Billy Mack, Love Actually

40. Approximately how many hours a day do you spend with TWoP?

Depends on how close Bette and Tina got to reconciliation on Sunday night’s L Word. And whether or not Jacob is recapping any show ever. So: a lot of hours.

41. Do you think LOL cats will always be funny?

I think the phrase “when pigs fly” should be changed to “when LOL Cats cease to be funny.”

42. I'm ending on question 42 because Douglas Adams told me that 42 is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. What's your answer?

In the early 80s, I had a DOS-based Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Game. It was so primitive and so awesome and I played it instead of eating food. Huh. I guess my family should have known then that I had a propensity for computer addiction. Anyway, my answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything is: Don’t buy drugs, kids. Become a rock star and people will give them to you for free!

Q & A with Abigail

This is a picture of my big o'l schnoz with world famous blogger, Abigail, way back in 2006 when we first met. Neither of our hairs nor the camera that took this picture have survived but thankfully our friendship has, because today I get to ask her some very, very funny questions. And I do realize this will only be funny to, like, four of you, but WHATEVER. I am not a clown sent for your amusement.

What is one thing you struggle to describe?

The depth of my affection for Andy Bernard.

Describe what you think makes a great president.

I hate politics.

List three things you'd buy with your last $20. One practical, one frivolous and one of your choosing.

Practical: Rum
Frivolous: Diet Max Cola
My Choosing: Something from Old Navy. (If you don't think I can find something on sale at Old Navy for 90 cents, YOU DON'T KNOW ME.)

When was the last time you surprised yourself?

I haven't had any caffeine in fourteen days. That I am not dead, that I have not killed my coworkers: both these things are surprising.

When was the last time you surprised someone else?

I blogged this week. I think that was pretty shocking to everyone.

You crash your friend's car because you're driving too fast in bad weather. Everyone's okay, but the car has to go into the shop. Do you pay the deductible?

Yes. But I don't drive too fast in bad weather, so it's a moo point.

Describe a moment when you were let down.

I bought a DVR a couple of months ago and then the writers went on strike and the networks wouldn't negotiate with them and all of my favorite shows just went to reruns. It's like, hey, here's a time machine, but you can only drive it up and down your own road and never go above 88 miles per hour.

Write your Academy Awards acceptance speech.

Wow. This is just so... wow. I didn't... not even my friends thought I was going to win this award tonight. I just... I mean... Keira Knigtley and Helem Mirren and... you are all just so much more... British than me. My agent said I was crazy to take Lauren Graham's place in The Gilmore Girls movie, but I just knew in my heart it was the right choice. I want to thank my mom for always believing in me, my brother for sending me the info about that Friends DVD box set, which I bought for only a hundred bucks, my friends, everyone at The Collective. Um. I love acting. I would do it for free. Oh, God. They're playing the music. Just... thank you to everyone. LUKE DANES, I LOVE YOU!

What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone?

From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and vain conceit, your cruel disregard for the feelings of others made me realize you were the last man on earth I could EVER be prevailed upon to marry.

Not really. Everyone knows I fall for arrogance.

What inspires you to blog?



Sometimes there is just so much wrongness on the Internet. There are people--honest to God--who think that reality television is a waste of time. Someone needs to set the record straight, and that someone is me. The Real Housewives of Orange County have real feelings. Learn it.

What's the best thing about today?

I am going to buy some Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra ice cream on my way home from work and eat it while watching the series premiere of The Real Housewives of New York City. I usually like to eat my ice with Top Model because, hello, irony or something, and that show is truly amazing (last week the girls modeled as homeless women with homeless women because the show is back in New York this season), but it's not til tomorrow night and that ice cream? I cannot wait til tomorrow. It has a CORE of caramel.

How many push-ups can you do?

Like those push-ups from the ice cream truck? I could probably eat like four bites of one before the brain freeze set in.

What aspect of your personality could use a little work?

I should probably take an active interest in national politics, especially considering the fact that a woman and an African-American are making history in the primary elections. But I won't. Because I am jaded and bitter thanks to Political Action Committees and the fact that the electoral college is a fucking joke. Great, now I have the rage again.

What compliment are you most often given?

I get a LOT of free stuff on account of the flirting, which is kind of the best kind of compliment a person can receive, I think. Would you rather someone tell you that you have beautiful eyes or give you some free stickers and a Nalgene flask? Flask, correct.

What's the worst thing that could happen to you today? Bonus question: How would that thing potentially benefit you?

The Greatest Show of Our Time could get canceled.

How could that benefit me? It could not. The world as a whole would unite under a banner of mourning.

Long Question Short...or, uh...Question Story Long.. or, um, Question Question Question?

(See how I played off Jennie's blog name? I'm so clever.)

What is round on the sides and high in the middle?
OHIO!

How do you choose what to share in Google Reader?
Well, first I ask myself, "do I think this is funny/interesting?" and if the answer is "yes," then I ask myself, "do I think others will find this funny/interesting?" and if the answer is "yes," then I share it. Only sometimes I share it even if I don't think anyone else will think it's funny or interesting, but REALLY now, if I think it's funny or interesting, it's CLEARLY funny or interesting. I think I just abused the words funny AND interesting and so now I shall stop talking.

What is your computer, web browser, and operating system?
My computer: a piece of shit that works on a semi-regular basis and is only still with me because I can't afford a new one. If it ever stops working completely I AM SCREWED.

Web browser - Firefox

Operating system - I dunno, Windows XP?

What embarrasses you?
You can't fall down as often as I do and be easily embarrassed. However, my face betrays me all the time because, as a pasty-pale ghost of a woman, I blush very, very easily. Even when I'm not embarrassed. I don't know why. It's sort of like that episode of Grey's Anatomy with the chick who was in that show Phenom (remember that?) and she blushed like crazy all the time. I'm not that bad, though. I'm like 15% of that girl. I have no idea what that means. Anyway, what really embarrasses me is when someone points out that I'm blushing because that makes me blush even harder. But now that I think about it, it doesn't really embarrass me, it just pisses me off.

How annoying is it when people compare The Office and Friends by saying that The Office is better?
Do people do this? Because that is annoying. I don't think of one as being better than the other, because how do you compare them? For one thing, they weren't even on TV at the same time, but can you imagine if they were? Friends/The Office hour would take over TV and it would be so beautiful and amazing that if you looked at it for too long, your retinas would catch on fire. True story. Second of all, it's like these shows exist in two entirely different universes. In one universe, you live in a very nice New York apartment even though you're "just a waitress," and you're only friends with five other people and they all live across the hall. Or wherever the hell Phoebe lived. And in the OTHER universe, you work at a mid-level paper company with a variety of borderline crazy people and oh my god, this is the universe I am stuck in RIGHT NOW. Anyway, yeah, you can't compare them, because if you tried to make me choose between Chandler Bing and Jim Halpert, I'd have to hurt you.

Please show me a photo of something you have stolen and tell me a story about it.
This is the letter L. It was taken from the public library that I worked at in high school, which meant that for a few, beautiful days, I worked for the Pubic Library. You'd think this would be an interesting story. It is not. It was more like, "ooh, I wonder if I can pry this letter L off the building . . . oh look, I can . . . hmm, now what?" And then I kept the letter L forever and ever.

I hear that it is cold and snowy in the winter in Ohio. Since I live in California, I don't understand what this means. Can you please describe the extra Winter steps you have to take from the moment you wake up in the morning until you are sitting in your office?
You know, the only reason I can answer this question without The Rage is because it's 60 degrees outside right now and so I've banished all snow-related Rage to the bottom of The Rage List. Basically the biggest extra Winter step is getting out of bed earlier than usual. But really? Even when I know it's supposed to snow like 80 feet, I don't get out of bed any earlier. Instead, I hit the snooze button at least twice and run around like a crazy person trying to get ready. And then? I look outside and when I see snow/ice covering my car, I CURSE THE HEAVENS and pout and throw a little tantrum, and then I finally go outside, scrape off my car and usually end up getting stuck behind some a-hole who thinks he has to go 10 MPH because there's an inch of snow on the ground. The snow/ice can add anywhere from 5-45 minutes to my getting-to-work-on-time-timetable. Which means that on snow days, I'm 5-45 minutes late to work.

How did you fill your time during the Writer's Strike?
I read a lot more. And I blogged a lot more (I think?) and worked out more (lies). I also think I broke TiVo's hold on me. Considering almost all of my favorite shows were reruns, I didn't have much to watch. I couldn't bring myself to watch A Daily Show, but I did manage to watch the entire second season of Arrested Development. However, now that Lost (This! Show! Makes! My head! Explode! Every! Week!) is back on and The Daily Show is back and also The Office starts again in April, soon TiVo and I will continue our tumultuous love affair.

What do you do with daily junk mail? Does it go straight to the trash? Do you look at grocery store sales? Do you open up the coupon books and keep everything that isn't air conditioning?
Usually, I flip through the mail and if I see that it's junk mail, I leave it stacked in a pile until Heidi looks through it, pulls out the coupons and throws it away. Occasionally, we'll get something awesome like the Jesus Rug and it will go on our refrigerator.

Have you ever seen a movie in the theaters an excessive amount of times?
I don't know, what's an excessive amount? I did see Bridget Jones's Diary in the theater . . . a lot, but it was over the course of a couple of months so it didn't really feel excessive. I also saw Juno twice in the same week, which feels a little excessive, but not really because I heart that movie so hard.

Have you ever gone to a midnight showing at a movie theater?
You know, I don't think I have.

How do you motivate yourself?
Ha! I don't, really. I have this problem where I start projects and I'm really excited about them at first, and then I lose interest and forget all about them. Which is probably why I've started writing four novels and finished maybe three chapters of each and ALSO why there is a blue acoustic guitar sitting in the corner of my room that I have no idea how to play. And this other time I tried to teach myself sign language and all I remember is how to say my name. I suck.

Why is Jim Halpert better than Andrew Bernard?
I wouldn't say he's necessarily better than Andrew Bernard, it's just that I love him more. Or, it's more like, I want to have Jim Halpert's babies and I have brotherly feelings toward Andy Bernard.

But since you asked . . . Jim Halpert is tall. And dreamy. And has adorable floppy hair. And is hilarious and plays pranks. And he was a dork in high school and I don't really trust boys who WEREN'T dorks in high school. Also, Andy's nipples bleed when he runs and, while I can deal with a lot, I have to draw the line at bloody nipples.

In 10 words or less, please describe your relationship with literature.
I'm literature's bitch (and wouldn't have it any other way).

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? As an adult, what do you want to be when you grow up?

As a child, I wanted to be a ballerina, a writer, or Peter Pan. As an adult, I'd like to be a writer. Or, to be honest, Peter Pan. But still a girl. I don't want any floppy man parts, thank you very much. Really, I'd just like to be able to fly.

If you could have one question in the world answered for you, what would it be?

Step by step, how do I build a time machine?

Interview With a Planet Saver

This week on The Collective we'll be interviewing each other (and you). I am a person with a million questions and this Thanksgiving, when Jennie!, Kat!, Abiagil! and I were walking around D.C. for hours and hours, I was all, "question, question, question," and by the end of the day, the only person still answering was Kat! So it is no surprise that when Collective interview time rolled around, I wanted Kat. (Jennie and Abigail might have punched me in the nose.) So here it is. I had to use all of my willpower to keep it short.

Let's warm up with some easy questions, okay?

Marry, Do or Die:

a) Ryan Adams, Michael Showalter, Bill O'Reilly

b) James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin

c) Math, Science, Literature

I've only ever told one person I'd marry him, and I've regretted it ever since. So I'm not going to answer this question because I can't; I'm just not the marrying kind.

(Sorry, you know who.)

So, The Collective was your brain child, and you did all the design and set-up and you keep our Big White Idea board organized at Collective HQ. Did this crazy awesome idea come to you in a dream like Jacob in the Bible? Or was it something else?

Well, it's not exactly like it ended up how I had envisioned it, and it's not like you all didn't have 100% input every step of the way. (Wasn't it you, actually, who suggested the final design for the site?) I dunno, I guess one of my favorite things about 2007 was hearing you all talk about all kinds of crazy stuff, stuff you loved and stuff you hated, stuff that made me laugh and cry along with you.

Especially after what we learned during that whole BloMe debacle, I thought it would be a shame not to share you all with the Internets.

What's your favorite thing about writing for The Collective?

I get to laugh every day. Well, except for Wednesdays anyway.

What's the hardest thing about writing for The Collective?

Trying to write funny. I'm not exactly known for my sense of humor.

Would you show us a picture of your cat and tell us about how he came to be a part of your family. Is he named after a specific Winston?



Long story short, Winston picked us. Long story a little less short, this was the final straw, and this is the story of how he got his name.

Your favorite book is The Great Gatsby and, as you know, I read it last weekend in preparation for this interview. My most favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird and I kind of feel like if you understand that book, then you'll understand me. Do you feel like that about Gatsby? Or do you love it for other reasons? (Also, remember that part when Myrtle gets hit by the car and it rips off her breast? That is gross!)

Yes! Exactly! And did you know that everyone I've ever dated has refused to read it? Maybe that's why I feel so sad all of the time. Heh.

(And dude, yes! I think it's a metaphor for "love sucks.")

What is your second favorite book?

The Catcher in the Rye. Salinger short stories are my favorite short stories. "Teddy" absolutely blew my socks off, and I think "A Perfect Day for Bananafish" may be my favorite story ever.

You know what's some good reading? Harry Potter. Please rank the Potter books in order from most favorite to least favorite.

3 1 5 6 2 4 7. Though 2, 4, and 7 are kinda all jumbled together. And I might like 5 better than 1. I dunno, it's so hard to choose.

In which Hogwarts house do you belong?

Slytherin, I suspect.

What position would you play in Quidditch? (Don't be modest. I know you were a soccer superstar.)

I'm not sure my soccer skillz translate, plus I have spindly little arms so that really knocks out most of the Quidditch positions. But I'm really good at finding Waldo in those Where's Waldo? books, so I think I'd make a fair Seeker.

You know what I love? How you're always sending me music. You're awesome at music. What albums have you been listening to lately?

Ha! Not everyone loves it when I send music, as a matter of fact. But I have picked up some new albums that I haven't really listened to much (they're all pretty mellow and I'm trying to only listen to upbeat, shake your booty kinda stuff). So there's The National of course, Arctic Monkeys and the New Pornographers. Stuff like that. Plus I'm gearing up for the new Portishead album by listening to a lot of trip-hoppy, electronic stuff like Lamb, Frou Frou, Air, Zero 7 and the like.

How many dictionary.com Words of the Day are saved on your bloglines right this very second?

55 to be used as writing prompts, 43 already used.

Which one is your favorite?

Autonomic. I think it very accurately describes a non-obvious part of myself that probably explains a lot about the way I tend to write.

Some people would say that crossword puzzles are the Devil's Own Pastime. You really like crosswords, though. How come?

Gosh, I dunno. Because I can't do Sudoku on account of my dyslexia?

It's the challenge, I suppose. To prove that there's a reason I have all of this random and useless trivia stored up in my brain maybe. Or just plain old-fashioned masochism. But I've been doing them for years, and now that I have the New York Times crosswords for my DS I've pretty much always got one going.

True or false: Bitches get stuff done.

I think that's a question too complex to answer with either true or false.

True or false: Someone should club Sean Hannity over the head.

Confession: I don't know who Sean Hannity is.

True or false: Firecrackers tied to balloons are seriously dangerous.

Well, I don't think that's inherently true. But I suppose if you add alcohol and a book of matches....

And finally, Kat!, please tell us: what is it, exactly, that you hate about the Kit Kat.

(1) They're gross. They're dry and chalky and gross. (2) They remind me vaguely of Communion wafers, and if there is one person who should stay away from Communion wafers it's me. (3) People know I hate them and insist on sending them to me, you know, because of the name.

I hate people.

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Editor's note: Kat hates people. I love Kat. And bitches do get stuff done. (Thank you, Tina Fey.)