The Happy Tale of Gigantor the Giant and his BFF Dumbledore

Hi, Internets! I always forget we're supposed to be posting EVERY DAY. We almost post every day anyway, but the weekend always sort of blurs together and then I forget we're supposed to do anything, oh wow, good story, Jennie! Keep typing. OK, here is a real (sort of) story for you.

Once upon a time, there was a giant named Gigantor. Gigantor wanted nothing more than to go to beauty school, because this one time he stole a TV and cable from the villagers, only he could only get one channel and that channel was VH1 and it was one of those days where VH1 was showing the same movie over and over. This is important, stick with me. Gigantor didn't understand why this "VH1" was showing the same movie over and over, but they were. And that movie was Grease. Gigantor didn't care much for Danny or Sandy or even Rizzo. He liked Kenickie, but had he stolen VH1 for more than one day, he would not have liked what Kenickie eventually turned into. Anyway. The person he really identified with was Frenchie. No one understood why Frenchie wanted to drop out of high school to go to beauty school, or why she dyed her hair weird colors, but Gigantor understood her perfectly. Sometimes when you don't like how things are going, it's nice to be able to exert control over something like your hair color or your nails or whatever. Like, haha, villagers! Maybe you don't like me because I'm a giant and every now and then I grind your bones to make my bread, but I DON'T CARE because look how fabulous my hair is.

(It's really not Gigantor's fault that he had to grind their bones to make his bread. He couldn't fit into any grocery stores, so it was really the only way he could eat.)

One day Gigantor was walking through town, stepping on small children, when someone said, "Hey! You! Giant thing! Stop that!" Gigantor turned around and saw this dude with long white hair and a long white beard.

"Who are you?" asked Gigantor.

"I'm Dumbledore," said Dumbledore. "Stop stomping on children, OK?"

"Why?" asked Gigantor.

"Because it's not nice," said Dumbledore.

"Oh," said Gigantor. "OK."

Then Dumbledore asked Gigantor if he knew how to cut hair. Gigantor's eyes grew even bigger than they already were. He was all, "OMG, Dumbledore, I HEART cutting hair SO MUCH." And so Dumbledore asked Gigantor to travel with him to a place called Hogwarts, because students had just discovered a new spell that caused their hair to shoot out every which way, and so they needed constant hair cuts. Dumbledore offered him the job of Head Beautician, but made sure to tell him that if even one student got squashed under his giant sandle, he'd be out of there. Gigantor, although he loved smooshing children more than almost anything in the world, accepted at once.

The end!