1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
PASS. Too violent.
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Who will it be?
Any band that starts a Youtube meme that takes over the world. I can't handle that sort of global obsession.
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
There is a certain person in my life who I normally love, but is making another certain person in my life miserable and when my friends are being hurt I get very angry and defensive and RAGE-FILLED. So, certain person, please stop being an asshole. Thanks. (Interestingly, this is always my answer.)
4. What is your favorite cheese?
Brie. Since I was a baby.
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind of sandwich will you eat?
Turkey on a soft French roll with avocado. Always.
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Maybe Zach Braff?
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice, who will it be?
8. Now that you've slept with two people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. What do you buy?
Actually, I kind of feel like a whore. Maybe I'll buy some dignity.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Today I feel like going to Sydney. Also, that's pretty far away so I'll get my money's worth. And it's summer there. Who else is coming?
10. An angel appears out of heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the beverage of your choice. It is?
Starbucks lattes. Seriously, if I could have water and Starbucks, that would be fine with me. Assuming the Starbucks is free, which it is, right?
11. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anywhere in the PAST. Where do you go?
I think now would be the perfect time to whip about some Jacob. Always, always applicable:
Lily! At Rufus's gallery! Bitching at him for no reason! All mad that he sold his ex-wife's painting to an art buyer for an anonymous client! Reason for outburst: Allison despises Lily and does not want her art in Lily's renovated house, or so she said twenty years ago, wearing Doc Martens and a slip dress! Why can these two old fuckers not tell time? Twenty years ago was 1987. Docs and lunchbox purse was ten years ago. 1997. I don't care if you were living in San Francisco or some other future place like that twenty years ago, the only people wearing Docs in 1987 were militant lesbian cartoonists, and meanwhile, your children are 17! Years! Of age! How can you simultaneously be fucking Trent Reznor, be hauling around a seven-year-old daughter, get married twelve times, sell out and become a UES trophy wife, and also be having lunchbox purse fights at CBGB's? Is Lily van der Woodsen a TIME TRAVELER? Are there many copies?
12. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
There are no such thing has gender roles. Erase everything you previously thought about gender. Thanks.
13. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it?
Too hard. PASS.
14. What is your favorite curse word?
Eff as coined by Dwight. Also, shitty as in, "That's a real shitty thing you're doing." Wouldn't you feel so shamed if you heard that? Awesome.
15. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, what do you do?
I definitely would not be cool with creepy, stalker mummies all up in my business, so I would probably call the cops and get a restraining order.
16. Your house is on fire! What do you do?
Stop, drop, and roll.
No, I'd probably try to put it out myself and have a panic attack. I would worry about the water damage. And how I just painted my bedroom.
17. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
It depends on what happens after I bite it. I tend to believe the school of thought that promises the afterlife to be infinity times better than this life and so I feel like there is nothing here that I won't have there. But, if they don't have puppies, then I would get in a good thirty minutes of snoogling.
Online video chat by Ustream
18. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What super-power is it?
This is so weird. Why the fuck are the vegetables giving me powers? This meme is so creepy.
I want to be Violet from The Incredibles.
19. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
PASS. (Really, I have no answer to this question. It's just... impossible. And undesirable. To me.)
20. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Now, this? This isn't impossible. I tend to do this anyway; self preservation chipping away at my memories until only the good ones remain. I think I might pick that time I went on vacation with my dad while he was secretly plotting to leave my mom two days later. That was a shitty thing he did.
21. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check this out you can move anywhere. Where are you going?
Um, my super cool island where I'm queen. See above.
22. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age, if you were banned from every bar in the world except one, which one would it be?
23. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question... If you did, then we'll just expound on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to fly! Whose house are you going to fly to first, and be like "Check it out I can FLY!?"
Collective HQ. What's the point of flying if you don't use it to visit your far-away friends?
24. The constant absorption of magical moon beams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
If I could bring a dead person back to life why would I pick a celebrity? So lame. (I would pick my childhood dog, Cody. Cody died in a freak accident at the place he was boarding while we were on vacation. It was totally heartbreaking. Also, my earliest memory of being unable to cry with my family and instead running away.)
Whoops! That got depressing fast! Quick! Back to the puppies!