make a little birdhouse in your soul

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

I'm too happy to blow anyone up.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Who will it be?

Creed.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

I was going to say I'm too happy to punch anyone in the face, but no: Dane Cook.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

I don't know. But Heidi and I had these fried cheese balls one time and OH MY GOD they were good.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind of sandwich will you eat?

Penn Station Dagwood with turkey, provolone cheese, lettuce, onion, and mayo. I'm simple. And unhealthy. Can I have fries with that?

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Jake Gyllenhaal.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice, who will it be?

Rivers Cuomo.

8. Now that you've slept with two people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. What do you buy?

Books!

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Thailand.

10. An angel appears out of heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the beverage of your choice. It is?

Wine. I don't care what kind. I'm simple. And unhealthy.

11. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anywhere in the PAST. Where do you go?

DINOSAURS!

12. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

No spoilers.

13. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it?

Um. The Office.

14. What is your favorite curse word?

Poohead buttshits.

15. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, what do you do?

Unravel them. Free toilet paper!

16. Your house is on fire! What do you do?

Um, grab a fire extinguisher? We don't have one of those, though. We should. We've almost set the apartment on fire like five times.

17. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Drink beers. Play Guitar Hero. Yessssssss.

18. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and whats even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What super-power is it?

Flying, please.

19. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Beeswax, None of Yours, Incorporated

20. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

This one time, I got a bag of chips from Panera and when I opened them, they were all soggy and digusting. That was pretty horrible.

21. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check this out you can move anywhere. Where are you going?

The moon!

22. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age, if you were banned from every bar in the world except one, which one would it be?

Harrigan's. Cheap beer, buffalo heads.

23. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question... If you did, then we'll just expound on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to fly! Whose house are you going to fly to first, and be like "Check it out I can FLY!?"

Superman's.

24. The constant absorption of magical moon beams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Heath Ledger. What, too soon?