Sometimes when I'm at work, I daydream about quitting my job to get a job that A) is outside and B) involves physical labor, so when I go home every day, I'm TIRED because I actually WORK for a living instead of sitting at a desk in a cushy chair pushing pointless pieces of paper around but INSTEAD of quitting I just go back to surfing the internet and contemplating my life of quiet desperation (fuck you, Thoreau). Maybe I should move to a cabin in the woods or something, but I DID used to live right next to (a, not THE) Walden Pond and that didn't really help so maybe I should just shut up, OK, moving on...
The thing about working outside that would be awesome is that I'd be SO tan and everyone looks better with a tan until they get skin cancer and then not so much. And the thing that would be awesome about doing actual, physical work is that I'd be SO fit and everyone looks better when they're SO fit until they throw out their back and have to walk around all hunched over and then not so much.
For serious, though, not a day goes by that I don't fantasize about winning the lottery so I can quit my job, which leads me to believe I might not like my job very much. The phrase, "mind-numbingly boring" comes to mind...........oh, sorry, I just fell asleep for a second.
So I suppose my confession is I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, but this isn't it.
Also, this one time I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Also, also, this one time I got us kicked out of a bar for stealing a poster off the wall.
Also, also, also, it was Kelly Clarkson that I used to imitate at parties.
Only two of those things are true, BTW. CAN YOU EVEN GUESS WHICH TWO? CAN YOU?!
Yeah, you totally can.