Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Bitches get stuff done.

heather

Back during Worst. Day. Ever. Year TM (2007), my therapist said out loud to me, "You need to learn how to be a bitch," which doesn't really sound like solid advice coming from a certified professional, and it also doesn't sound like something I am capable of accomplishing because perpetually mean-spirited people are not my favorite. (They hurt my heart and head.) But good ol' Dr. P said there are lots of kinds of bitches, and that being empathetic and forgiving and nice and stuff is all fine and good, but do you want to get blasted off the top of an Astronomy tower, or what? And no, I didn't. And no, I still don't.

Yesterday Daily Intel reported that there are 90 kinds of bitches, which they found out from a list made by a third grader.

I don't think I can brag about most things in my life because every good thing I have (or am) has pretty much fallen into my lap. But the bitch thing? Well, I've worked really, really hard at it. And I think I'd like to brag about that.

According to the list, I'm a 20, 26, 37, 59, 61, 69 and an 88. If 76 says "geeky bitches," I'm that too. I thought 34 said "Wikipedia bitches," which I totally am, but it says "whipped."

Eight out of 90 is not too shabby. I actually might be more than eight, but I'm also one of those "haven't studied my slang flash cards bitches" so I can't say for sure.

9 comments:

Jennie said...

Whenever I think I'm being a bitch, I'm all, "sorry I'm being a bitch," but the other person is always like, "you're not being a bitch," so either everyone I know is a liar or I'm way bitchier in my head than I am IRL. Or both. Hi!

eclectic said...

I don't know, Heather... 8/90 is really not even on the grading scale. However, I think I can help. Because 44 through 58 are omitted, we must assume in your favor that you qualify for each of those, which makes your score a much more encouraging 23/90.

Congratulations!

me said...

I'm more of a 'dont try to pull one over on me' or "dont you dare mess with someone i love"... then i can be one.

though i have my tendancies that aren't even on that list.

I share a few with you..but mostly; I'm not on the list..

SG

Jamie said...

Ha, this is so great.

After too many years of being The Nice Girl (read: trampled doormat), I too am now a huge fan of Bitches Get Stuff Done™. I think my biggest recent victory was when some Facebook personality quiz (the end-all of accurate assessments, naturally) called me "hard-nosed and judgmental." Woo! Progress!

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

Sadly, I'm guilty of #69 (oh, grow up) on weekends when I mosey outside to get the paper.

And I think it was Sir Lawrence Olivier that once commented to the Queen that he, too, wasn't particularly fond of 'Stanky fishy coochie smelling bitches'. So, this kid's not alone as far as that goes.

mysterygirl! said...

Eclectic just made me laugh out loud.

I love all the bitches you are, and I'm proud of all the work it took for you to become them.

lindsayrn said...

I love this!!

2, 8, 10, 17, 21, 28, 40, 76, 88. SO PROUD.

Never That Easy said...

I'm proud of you too - It's so hard to learn to be a bitch. If "apologizes too much while trying to be a bitch" were on the list, then I would definitely be that one. As it is, I can't get the page to load, so IDK what kind of bitch I am.

peefer said...

Your therapist is teh awesome.