1. Bra shopping
I started wearing a bra in 4th grade. How old are you in 4th grade, like 9? This means I've been bra shopping for almost TWENTY YEARS. That's a long time. My boobs are almost old enough to buy their own booze. That's old. Bra shopping is my least favorite kind of shopping, and do you want to know why? Because no two bra brands make their sizes the same. One line's 34 DD is another line's 36 C. I hate them all. HATE THEM. But I can't just NOT wear a bra because that would be obscene or something.
Sidenote: I had to start wearing a training bra before like, anyone in my class. In the mornings, my mom wouldn't let me leave the house without my training bra on so I'd begrudgingly put it on and then as soon as I got to school, I'd go to the bathroom and take it off and stuff it in my bag. This is weird, because other girls my age were wishing for boobs. There are books written about girls wishing for boobs (along with their periods) but I wasn't that girl, I was totally Christina Ricci from Now and Then, all taping her boobs down and stuff, only I didn't grow up to be Rosie O'Donnell:
Sidesidenote: Why the hell is it called a training bra? Were my boobs training for something I'm not aware of? Are they secret Olympic athletes or something? Because if so, I haven't seen a dime of any endorsement money.
Sidesidesidenote: Dude, you guys, I totally loved Now and Then when I was a kid. I even had the soundtrack and I listened to it ALL THE TIME.
2. Irregardless
Don't say this. I will punch you if you say this.
3. Loud-talkers (at work, mostly)
SHUT UP I HATE YOU. No one cares about your thoughts on all the snow/last night's sporting event/that nice Ryan Seacrest.
4. Unsolicited Advice
You know what? If someone is telling you a story, any story, about moving or their wedding or their kids or ANYTHING, and you open your mouth to say something similar to this: "you know what you should do?"
...well, then you should probably shut up immediately because people hate that.
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12 comments:
Here's what I now picture happening when you buy booze:
A little ID card comes flying out of your cleavage, landing on the counter in front of the cash register person, who looks at it and says, 'Huh, they look so young', then rings up the whisky, slips it into a bag, hands it to you, and off you go, you and your boobs humming a happy tune in anticipation of sweet liquor finally easing the pain.
Y'know, this is the second time this week that I've thought about your boobs via the written word, which is twice more THAN EVER.
Yeah, my boobs are pretty famous on the internet this week. That was unintentional.
You should register jenniesboobs.com before it gets snatched up.
That might come in handy someday.
Best sentence ever? My boobs are almost old enough to buy their own booze.
Oh, I think so.
I hate shopping for clothing in general. Shopping for underclothing is pretty awful, though. Interestingly, I'm a few years older than you, but our boobs are the same age. Late bloomer here. But I take pride in them now because I'm a nursing mom.
How "boobs" ever made it into a post about pet peeves is a mystery for the ages.
However, the "irregardless" thing? I will kick them right after you punch them. For serious.
I am so glad you didn't grow up to be Rosie O'Donnell.
h!a! hee.
Kiti, I hate shopping for clothes, too. Unless it's online, that's OK most of the time.
Shari, what can I say? It's a gift.
Joe, ME TOO.
I was the first girl in my class to wear a training bra, too, and all the other girls used to snap my bra-strap, like OOH WHAT'S THAT? But then they didn't get any bigger, so that was pretty lame.
I was an early bloomer too, bra wise, and must thank you for pointing out that they are now old enough to buy booze. Being the first girl in class to wear a bra is pretty horrible. Especially if you're the first girl in class to wear a bra who is also too naive to realize that white t-shirts will show her bra.
Also, loud talkers are SUPER annoying, and should just shut the hell up already.
Haha, skinny and flat-chested FTW! Oh, wait, no, that's sad.
But it occurred to me that I should add: You know what is worse that shopping for a bra? Shopping for a NURSING bra. Because somehow, nobody believes that there is such a thing as a 32D in the breastfeeding world.
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