Thursday, 18 March 2010
1. Bra shopping
I started wearing a bra in 4th grade. How old are you in 4th grade, like 9? This means I've been bra shopping for almost TWENTY YEARS. That's a long time. My boobs are almost old enough to buy their own booze. That's old. Bra shopping is my least favorite kind of shopping, and do you want to know why? Because no two bra brands make their sizes the same. One line's 34 DD is another line's 36 C. I hate them all. HATE THEM. But I can't just NOT wear a bra because that would be obscene or something.
Sidenote: I had to start wearing a training bra before like, anyone in my class. In the mornings, my mom wouldn't let me leave the house without my training bra on so I'd begrudgingly put it on and then as soon as I got to school, I'd go to the bathroom and take it off and stuff it in my bag. This is weird, because other girls my age were wishing for boobs. There are books written about girls wishing for boobs (along with their periods) but I wasn't that girl, I was totally Christina Ricci from Now and Then, all taping her boobs down and stuff, only I didn't grow up to be Rosie O'Donnell:
Sidesidenote: Why the hell is it called a training bra? Were my boobs training for something I'm not aware of? Are they secret Olympic athletes or something? Because if so, I haven't seen a dime of any endorsement money.
Sidesidesidenote: Dude, you guys, I totally loved Now and Then when I was a kid. I even had the soundtrack and I listened to it ALL THE TIME.
Don't say this. I will punch you if you say this.
3. Loud-talkers (at work, mostly)
SHUT UP I HATE YOU. No one cares about your thoughts on all the snow/last night's sporting event/that nice Ryan Seacrest.
4. Unsolicited Advice
You know what? If someone is telling you a story, any story, about moving or their wedding or their kids or ANYTHING, and you open your mouth to say something similar to this: "you know what you should do?"
...well, then you should probably shut up immediately because people hate that.